「 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 」- 𝙻. 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚝 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎(𝚜)

X

On January 18th, 2007, Above Asphodel was found in their room, reduced to dust.

Above wouldn't have expected their passing to have provoked the reaction it did, but in the days after the entire Halfway House mourned their loss.

A cloud of grief hung over the entire institution after hearing the news of Above's passing. A person Crumbling is always a sad event of course, but Above's was particularly painful. They were loved, respected, trusted. Every single one of us save for me was greeted by them upon death, and held a special place in everybody's hearts. In their writings Above likes to describe themself as stiff and unemotional, but that isn't how we saw them. They never seemed to notice their own gentleness; how their calm disposition soothed the internal chaos that strangles us all when we first arrive here. All of us leaned on Above when we were at our lowest (myself included), and their departure left a void that couldn't be filled.

Even the cat was out of sorts. For days Psychopomp slept on Above's armchair in the library, inconsolable, until Ryuzaki took him in and they mourned together. Nowadays Ryu's the Psycho's favourite. Go figure.

It's been a year since Above's Crumbling, and I'm reading all of this for the first time. I admit I cried. I've kept Above in my heart all this time, I really have. Wherever they are now, I hope I've remained in theirs.

Ryuzaki and I are close. He still dutifully waits for Kira to enter these doors, unwavering in his belief that his successor will triumph in the end, despite suspecting that Kira himself has stolen the title of L. I find it admirable, how stubborn he is. I understand how he became the detective he was.

He's the librarian now, and I don't think he's ever gotten over his first and only love. He has a shrine for Above in his room. It has the Polaroid I took of them, incense, a pack of Newports, and a vase of asphodel flowers for their namesake. As far as I know, he prays to them every morning without fail. When I drop by his place, I like to pay my respects as well.

Time washes everything away like the ocean's tide. Everyone else has come and gone. Ryuzaki and I are the only ones left that remember Above.
Caine Crumbled after seven months. Gwen and I were in a relationship for a year before she passed on. I miss her every day. Alyosha, Aleida, Simon — all of them have moved from this world to the next. I understand now why Above came to have the attitude they did.
"Everything passes. Everyone passes. Nobody gets anything for keeps."  They'd say. That understanding ages a person tremendously, I've come to learn.
I think about Above just about every day. I never realised how much I took them for granted. I've had to stand on my own feet and walk the same path they did as Senior Initiative, absorbing the grief of others as they come, keeping their memories when they depart. I'm only a spectator, watching other people's lives (well, deaths, if you're going to be pedantic). It's hard. I don't know how Above managed it with such grace. Was it hard for them too? Did a part of them really not ache inside at every Crumbling, were they really as detached as they seemed? Somehow it's hard to believe.

I wish I could see them again. I wonder where they are now, if they were reincarnated or put to rest. If it's the former, I can only hope that this life is happier than the last. They deserve to be happy, after all they've been through.

Above's life was anything but meaningless. It was quiet yet profound, modest and humble. They were barely known to the world, but to those who did, they had a distinct impact on. Every last one. Above was a treasure, one I'll always cherish.

「 Oh, and one last thing — My name is Yuuto). My dad was white and my mother was Japanese, hence the name. My given name, Yuuto, is written with the kanji for 'helpful person' (佑人). I've done many things in my life that have betrayed the name given to me and most know me only as a traitor to my country, so after dying I chose to go by X. But... for what it's worth, my name is Yuuto. 」