「 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚕𝚏𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 」- 𝙻. 𝙻𝚊𝚠𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚝 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝙰/𝚗

If you've made it all the way here, then I want to thank you so much for taking the time to read this story. I hope you enjoyed it. I've got this obnoxious need to write an author's note at the end, so I'll leave it here.

This book has a bit of a funny place in my life. The idea of a story following Ryuzaki after his death actually came to me during my first stay at a psychiatric hospital, following a failed suicide attempt. Kind of fitting, don't you think? I started writing the guidebook you see at the beginning of each chapter in a notebook I was given, as well as the basic plot. I'd actually completely forgotten about this fact until recently. It was a good way to pass the time. I remember writing it all down on my desk, watching the nurses pass by.
For the record, this was years ago, and I'm in a much better place now. I'm very grateful to be able to say I made it through. If you've ever felt the way I felt back then... I'm not sure anything I say could give you much solace. But I urge you to keep going. Because for me at least, it was worth it in the end. Life has a way of evening things out, if you just give it time.

It's interesting, how pieces of my life are reflected in this story. I think it's the only thing I've written that I can call myself proud of (though I'll probably change my mind in a few years or so, lol). Above's growth as the story progresses mirrors my own — going from the ghost of a failed suicide attempt to something more promising. So it holds a special place in my heart.

I'm a completely different person from the one I was when the idea for this story first came to me. I'm stronger, more mature, more resilient. Even though I still have plenty of traumas and fears I've yet to overcome, I might actually be happy. Sometimes. Which is an improvement, you know? At the very least, I won't die. This book symbolizes to me my own transition from utter despair to a fragile sort of hope. It began in a psych ward, survived through the darkest time in my life, but ended off on a hopeful note. And I can't help but think of that as a beautiful thing.

Thank you for reading this far. I hope you enjoyed it, I really do.

ー再生朝火

Edit — 2024

I just wanted to say, thank you for all the kind words. Every so often, when I need a little ago boost, I read the comments on here and they make me smile. So it's very much appreciated. A couple people on here have told me I should write professionally, and I'm happy to tell you that that is my goal one day, once I get my shit together. So, wish me luck!

Okay, my fucking therapist cancelled on me this week, so let me trauma-dump here for a moment instead.
I'm fucking 20 now, so don't expect any more fanfiction from me, I'm basically a goddamn senior citizen on this app. Six years ago I had the idea to make a fanfiction about L, and I fully expected to die before making it to my twenties. But here I am. Two decades down, however many more to go. Whenever I feel like blowing myself to bits after any mild inconvenience, I remind myself that if I really wanted to, I would've done it ages ago. And I can't give my boyfriend even more trauma, so it looks like I'll just have to suck it up! And it usually works.

My dad decided to give me the greatest early Christmas/birthday present ever by up and fucking dying right before Christmas, to which I say: bruh. But it's ok! He's dead, which means it's finally over. Quick word of advice  — don't be afraid to cut off your shitty parents the second you stop needing them. But if you've got a million things you'd like to chew them out for, make sure you get your get back before they kick the bucket. Otherwise you'll be sad and pissed off, and that's no fun.

Anyways, life's a constant kick in the nuts, so you gotta analyze the shittiness via general trends. But it's not all bad. I've got an amazing boyfriend I celebrated three years with last November. We're the proud gay parents of four (four!) lizards, a hamster, and a dog. Objectively this is too many lizards, but I made my bed, so here I am lying in it. I'm addicted to weed and nicotine, but of all the drugs I could be addicted to, it's mostly just a drain on my wallet and respiratory health. Could be worse. I quit my job of three years because my manager chose two weeks after my dad died to be the biggest bitch humanly possible, but hey, good riddance. She makes herself more miserable on a daily basis than she could ever make me. Plus, apparently her car got stolen! Moral of the story: revenge isn't worthwhile, because what comes around, goes around. Karma's a bitch, and you can either love it or hate it.

Thank you for coming this far. Really. I hope you enjoyed what I've written and thrown into the void despite it being a goddamn Wattpad fan fiction about my first and favorite anime. (Thanks, Megan, for turning me into a weeb in middle school. It's a shame you ghosted me because you're afraid to stand up to your shitty, transphobic nanay. If you ever grow a spine, you know where to find me).

Okay, I'm done now. Promise.

To you, reading this, I wish you nothing but love and happiness and prosperity, however long it may take you to get there. You deserve it. I deserve it. We all deserve it.

🩶