Songs to Stories

Burning by Sam Smith

"I want you back," I hear those four words through the phone and a smile forms on my face.

"Yes, of course," I agree almost too quickly. I feel so happy, like I'm getting a second chance to prove myself to her.

"Do you forgive me though?" Her voice sounds just as alluring over the phone, I can't help myself.

"I forgive you, it was my fault anyway. I should have been better to you, I don't blame you for cheating,"

"Baby, thank you for forgiving me," Even after all this time the small nickname makes my heart do a flip.

"Of course I'd forgive you. I know you reached a limit, I just wasn't enough for you," I can hear her sigh at my response and I let out a small sigh too.

"But you know that in the end I love y-"

I wake up with a gasp and I can already feel the tears forming. 

Why wasn't I enough for her? I would have given her the moon and the stars if I could. I would have tried a bit harder every day if I knew I wasn't good enough for her. 

"Where the fuck is it?" I say to myself as I lean my hand towards the nightstand. It takes me a while to find my lighter in the dark, but eventually I feel it under my fingers. I grab it right away, then I reach under my pillow to grab my pack of cigarettes. When I finally light it I take a long drag in and watch the small white cloud come out of my mouth. Tears are mindlessly falling onto my pillow but that's the last thing on my mind.

The dream felt so real. I can still hear her voice in my head, it's like she's whispering in my ear. I wish she would take me back so I can prove I can be better. Maybe she still thinks about me too, and maybe she still loves me like I love her. I can practically feel my love for her burning in my chest. 

I take another drag of the cigarette and look for my phone with the other hand. When I find the small device and turn it on I squint from the bright screen. I get the urge to call an old friend but I push that urge back down. They shouldn't have to hear about my heartache, and I know they won't answer anyway. I messed that up for myself when I pushed them away. I didn't do enough for my own girlfriend, so she chose someone else. Then to make matters worse I pushed away my friends because I was so heartbroken.

"Fuck that," I mumble to myself in frustration and throw my phone to the other side of the bed.

The tears have now dried on my face and my eyelids feel heavy. Although I am tired, my mind is far from it. All I can think about are the "what ifs". 

What if I had tried harder for our relationship? What if I had simply told my friends what happened? If I told my friends would they be mad at me or support me? What if we were still together?

If we were still together there wouldn't be dried tears on my face right now. I wouldn't be having these dreams, and I wouldn't be holding a burnt out cigarette. I wish my love could do the same... Just burn out.