Past Present Future [BL - SaifahZon]

Chapter 4

p r e s e n t

It wasn't much later, when they had left the school and moved towards more lively streets to find a place to eat. The sky was painted in a vibrant shade of magenta and the brisk air was gently playing with their hair. It was a pleasant evening and a perfect one to enjoy dinner outdoors, so they decided on a restaurant that had seats outside. It looked promising, with all those string lights hanging over the tables and crowds of people cheerfully chit-chatting over the colourful food, and the smell of stir-fried meat made Zon's mouth water. Suddenly he realised how hungry he was.

When they were looking for a table, he looked at Saifah and smiled. Usually, when silence rose between him and his date, his mind was immediately in a panic state, browsing his brain in search of good questions and topics to fill the void. Usually he would already be on the verge of anxiety, worried he would be considered as boring or not worthy of acquaintanceship.

But this wasn't a date.

And Saifah, however long they hadn't seen each other or talked, was far from being a stranger. The silence was different. It wasn't an awkward one, during which he was sweating over every passing second. He didn't even have to be worried about finding even the weakest link of something in common.

Yes, silence with Saifah was different. There was no place for worrying over every smallest reaction, no place for overthinking every movement. In fact, he wasn't nervous at all. Instead of awkwardness, however, he could sense a faint sadness in the air, a brief scent of unspoken words and bittersweet memories.

"I was kinda surprised," started Saifah, when they sat down and were looking through the menu, "when I saw you in school, back in March."

He nodded slightly, wincing at the vast choice of dishes. "Yeah, I was surprised too."

"Is that why you've hid yourself from me?"

Zon's eyes stopped moving, piercing one position in the menu. He could almost see Saifah's smirk and arched eyebrow, even without actually looking at him. The joking undertone of the question was obvious, but the wave of embarrassment hit Zon with double force. He already forgot about all that.

"Oh gosh," he chuckled softly and buried his face in his hands. "I guess I deserve that." He was sure his ears and neck were all red. If he could, he would go back in time and stop himself from this childishness, but what's done is done. All he could do now was to laugh at his own foolishness. "No, I meant that I thought you wanted to work with kids, not teenagers." He looked at Saifah with an embarrassed, but genuine smile. "You were always saying how much you looked forward to teaching the youngest about the world and stuff, that they are the most creative, blah blah blah. What happened with that?"
Saifah pouted his lips and for a second he looked like he was trying to remember what went wrong. Finally, he shrugged and his smile slightly dropped. "Well, you know how it is. Sometimes you can't have what you want and you have to accept that."

Zon swallowed. Was that an allusion? While some people are oblivious to hints, Zon was a master at reading way too much into other people's words and he was never sure whether some things were intentional or not. This time, even if it wasn't the case, the words hit just the right spot, leaving him speechless. Luckily, just the second the silence was starting to feel a bit too long, the waitress came to collect the order. He couldn't feel more grateful for that and promised himself to never let such a situation repeat.

But he didn't have to. When the waitress disappeared and he looked back at Saifah, there was no evidence of that sadness left. He was looking at Zon with a big smile and small wrinkles around his eyes. Maybe it really was all in Zon's head?

With every second the atmosphere was getting more and more relaxed and with every sip of his drink Zon was also swallowing bits of the tension in him. When he finally let himself loosen up completely, he discovered not without a hint of surprise, that it was extremely easy to talk with Saifah.

Almost as if nothing had changed and they were still those silly highschoolers.

"Oh my god, do you remember when we bought that bunny onesie for Tor's birthday? I was sure he's gonna kill us!"

"I still can't believe he pretended he liked it!"

"Oh no, I think he actually did like it and wore it all the time, when we weren't around," exclaimed Zon, which sent both of them into peals of laughter. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Gosh, time flies, huh? To think now we're teaching kids this age. We really are old, aren't we?"

Saifah snickered, almost letting his beer come out his nose. "I don't know, we're barely thirty. But then I see Junior and Soda's kid and..." He shook his head. "When did that happen?"

"Yes! Baby Sorn!" Zon straightened up, his eyes gleaming. "It's still beyond me. Are we really at the age to have kids?"

"And divorces too, apparently!" added Saifah, his voice as excited as shocked. He leaned his elbow on the table, propping up his chin. "Have you heard about Day and Hwa?"

"Tor mentioned something, yes. But, to be honest, I'm not that surprised about it. I never thought they would marry in the first place." Zon laughed apologetically. "But don't tell that to him, okay?"

He leaned back on his chair and rubbed his chin, when Saifah nodded slightly. It was nice to talk about all of that to someone other than Tutor or Junior. Although he appreciated his friends very much, he hated being judged for his sudden outbursts of honesty. With Saifah he had never felt like that, even when they disagreed on something. It seemed that was still the case.

"And what about Tutor and Fighter?" continued Zon. His stomach was full and after drinking some alcohol, he started to feel a bit groggy. He didn't feel like going back home yet, and Saifah's eyes were shining so brightly, reflecting the lights, and his face looked so softly in the tealight's flare... Zon strengthened his grip on the glass and started swinging it on his palm. The music was soothing, people's prattle became a distant sound and there might as well be only two of them, Zon wouldn't even notice.

"What about them?"

"Oh." He blinked rapidly, aroused from his torpor. "You know, I'm so fed up with their on-and-off relationship," he explained with a heavy sigh. "I think I've lost count of how many times they have broken up."

"Don't even get me started on that!" moaned Saifah. "They had more breakups than I had relationships!"

Silence. In a split of a second the atmosphere got tense again. Zon quickly drained his drink and called for the staff to order another, trying to avoid Saifah's gaze at all cost. His words ringed in his head, however.

"I'm... I'm sorry," mumbled Saifah, when the waitress brought the refill. "I guess, that was--"

"No." Zon waved his hand to stop him. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his face. "Don't. You have nothing to apologise for." He bit the inside of his mouth and took a deep breath. If they were to clean the air and go back to friendship, things had to be said. "Can we just... chill? I know it's mostly me, but we're both adults. Let's stop pretending there wasn't anything between us, okay? Let's not make it a taboo."

For a second, Zon could have sworn he saw a shadow in Saifah's eyes, like he was holding back from saying something, but he just nodded and beamed instead. "I missed talking to you."

"I missed it too."

A/N: So that's it for chapter 4! This time I've decided to omit the "past" part and focus on the "present" and overcoming the awkward atmosphere and clearing the air.

Comments and votes are of course appreciated, but most of all, I hope you have enjoyed the chapter and you will stick around to read the next one!