Daddy, am I your princess?

Update Part 2 - TW Assault-Death

PLEASE AT LEAST READ THE END PARAGRAPH ADDRESSED! A MESSAGE FOR ALL IN NEED!

Thank you all for the support on my last post, I love you all, I am so glad there are so many of you lovelies out there!
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So after the assault it caused a lot of trauma as some people may understand. I broke up with my boyfriend at the time after he didn't give a fuck that I had been drugged, as he was very neglecting in my relationship with him. I already hold a lot of PTSD (I've been diagnosed with multiple illnesses - major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety, social etc...)from a lot of childhood rape and sexual assault from family members etc... But I was getting through it, I was trying to be happy, I got caught not leaving my house, not sleeping, not being able to be around men without almost having a melt down, but I started to get through it. I was seeing a psychologist and all that, I actually got in a very very lovely relationship. He treats me so well, better than anyone ever has, friends, family. I can say I love this man. He makes me happier than I've been in awhile. I'm not uncomfortable nor have I ever been and I'm exploring myself again. It's still hard. The PTSD is still a lot sometimes but it's nice to have someone help me through; to give me happiness when I didn't even know I could have it.

But then, my best friend killed herself. I hadn't spoken to her in 2 months after the assault because I didn't talk to anyone. Our relationship kind of ended because of a miscommunication in a old group of friends. But it's killed me, it's been killing me. We didn't end it bad, but we didn't end it good. It was so last minute that she hadn't even said goodbye to anyone. I turned to drugs (weed) to make myself feel better, alcohol not being something I've touched after the assault. But I am moving through it slowly. I can't say I think I'm moving through it actually, because I think I'm just in a numb stage.

(Lmao also my cousin drank from the alcohol bottle he drugged without my knowledge (I was keeping it to test) and then he ended up in hospital and was vomiting, couldn't swallow, was blacking out etc and he had the smallest amount, like maybe less than 2 shots)

I am doing okay now, this happened about 2 weeks ago, so I'm getting better, but it's still really difficult some days.

To whoever is out there that needs help -

Please speak up and speak out. I know how you feel, I know it can be hard, but please talk to anyone, even if it's your dog, just to get it off your chest. Because at the time you think your actions will make you feel better; you won't have to feel the pain anymore. But they kill other people, it's something you'd regret if you could look back and see what it's done to the people around you. I feel like a hypocrite saying this because even after seeing what her death did to everyone even me, I still find it hard to want to be alive, with no family and no friends, no one to give a fuck. But please, even if it's my comments, please just contact someone. (I ask people in the comments to please be supportive of anyone who speaks up or I WILL be blocking you and giving you a hefty piece of my mind :)))

I love you,
So many other people love you,
People you don't even know love you, love you some what. People don't know how much they truely love you until you're gone, but they love you.
I might not know you but I love you - yes you.

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Please contact a hotline or find your local hotline if you ever need help! IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY!

Suicide hotline:
Australia
13 11 14
America
1-800-784-2433

Sexual assault hotline:
Queensland
1800 010 120
Australia - national help
1800 737 732