Weapons of an Empress

Chapter 2: Coping with Loneliness

Several months had passed, and I was still living in this house underground. Many of those months were spent processing what occurred. I didn't know what to do. My parents and Darius had always acted as my guide, and although I promised myself I would honor my parents in everything I do, I had no idea what it would entail. I wanted to help people, but I wondered who would help me. Who would be by my side to clean my wounds if I got hurt? You would make me smile in the morning when I lose my drive to protect others?

Walking to the cupboard, I took out a small beige bag with a thread of string tied around it. Feeling the cotton, I opened the pouch, emptying its contents once I sat at my round, wooden table. As the various circular pieces of metal slid out, they emitted a subtle clanging as they glimmered in the light.

"Twelve, thirteen, seventeen," I slide the coins across the table, adding the amount in my head. "Looks like I have to hunt for my food instead of buying it. How long has it been since I last had a pastry?"

Adjusting to my new lifestyle was difficult, especially from the abrupt transition. Living in this small underground home, with a hatch as my door cave's rock acting as walls, it emphasized how alone I was. I had no one to talk to, nor did I have any inclination to meet anyone. I did not want someone learning about my past, not because they would give sympathy, although I would never want it, but because I fear they would view me as a coward.

"Who would have thought, the princess from the largest nation in the world, is now below the common man? Possessing very little money and living in a cave," I told mocked myself. "How humbling."

Returning to my bedroom, I started to change into my dull brown clothes. I remembered wearing velvet dresses with jewellery encrusted with the most expensive of gems. Now, I wore the set of clothes that made me look like a commoner. In a way, I appreciated not having heavy earrings dangling from my ears, and bracelets always bothered me. Putting the brown dress, I watched how the fabric slide down to my ankles. There were two slits in the outfit, exposing my black leggings. Quickly, I grabbed the scabbard containing my sword, wrapping it around my waist, including a strip of cloth that I placed along my neck. I also put a few more things in my pocket before climbing the stairs and carrying myself through the hatch. Despite hating my current lifestyle, there was something comforting about the warm sun beating on my skin. The area around the hatch was nothing more than sand and the sparse dried shrubs who thought they could survive in a climate like this. I turned back to the door to ensure the magic seal which had been placed to hide the square door had activated itself. I knew that the magic used for the door never failed and would never fail, but I kept checking each time I left my home. There was a part of me that feared that those demons would find me and kill me during my most vulnerable moments. That they would sink their claws into my neck while I slept.

Like any desert, living animals were hard to come by. At first, I questioned my parents' choice of location for my place of refuge that was far from all sources of food and water. Over time, I learned the area was the least likely place anyone would search. Besides, no one would bother putting themselves through the torture of the intense heat. I often enjoyed my walks to my ideal spot to hunt. Although I was always alone, I used the time spent travelling as a distraction from my brutal reality. I would pretend that the attack was merely a nightmare, and my parents we testing my self-reliance and resourcefulness.

"That feels refreshing," I splashed some water on my face, as I bathed in the pond.

After the thousands of steps that wore out my feet, I finally reached an oasis. The many tall rocks made it an ideal spot to hide while I wait for an animal to pass by and drink the water. While they are distracted by their desire to quench their thirst, often gives me the chance to shoot it with my sword, which I would transform into a bow, and use my magic to make the arrows.

Staring back at my reflection in the water, I studied what became of my face. My appearance seemed to have lost its life, as my face had become more sullen. I had lost some weight, which came as no surprise since the two meals a day that I had after the attack gradually became one meal a day. I wanted to avoid using my money to buy myself food, hence my reliance on hunting and gathering fruits and vegetables if I came across them.

"I should probably wait in the trees. An animal should come here soon."

Letting the sun dry my body, I picked up my clothes which I kept aside and put them back on. Once the last pieces of my garments were on, I climbed one of the trees that were closest to me. I despised this task, as I would always get splinters in my hands, and sometimes on my feet, where the skin is exposed by my gladiator shows. Removing the strong fabric from my neck, I wrapped it around the trunk, using it to help me climb up. The roughness of the bark made the climb easier. Once I got high enough, I perched myself on a thick branch that would hold my weight. Sitting there, I watched below to see if any animals would come.

I don't understand how every time I went hunting, I would have this sense of optimism that an animal would come by seconds after perching myself on the tree. That I could kill it immediately after my arrival instead of sitting for hours in the tree looking like an idiot, as I sat on a branch that barely supported my bottom. Of course, today was no different. I just sat on the branch, gazing at the shadow of the smooth rocks. I let myself wander, every now and then, so I wouldn't feel bored. However, I prohibited myself from falling asleep. The reason stemmed less from missing a chance at getting my food for the week and more from the horrors I experienced from the attack on the capital. Every second of that day had been etched into my mind, that the emotions even influenced my sleep.

Each time I slept, the nightmare of my parents' death would play. After watching it so often, it horrified me to think that slowly, I was becoming unmoved by the dream. Thankfully, the dream only played once every few nights, so when the first few minutes came into view, I would wake myself to evade witnessing it once more. Often times, I would have to waste an hour or two to get back to sleep, but I became used to it. Besides, I didn't want a reminder of why I was in my current position.

Reverting my gaze to the rocks, I noticed how their shadows had tilted enough to indicate some time has passed by. An abrupt movement caught my eyes. From the crevices of the large stones, scurried a mouse who started washing its fur with the water. I did not bother using my bow to kill it, as the arrow would obliterate the tiny creature. Plus, the creature was too small to satisfy me, especially if I was restructuring myself to a meal a day.

For my hunts, I limited the number of animals I would kill, keeping only the biggest prey on my list of acceptable slaughters. And so, I just watched as the mouse continued to bathe itself using it small paws. As the mouse watched its face, I found its actions quite adorable.

"Maybe I should keep it as a pet to keep me company," I thought.

The mouse, finishing up, scurried away from the water, yet stopped halfway through to sniff for something. Sniffing the sand, it turned its back to the rocks. Unaware of what was behind it, a snake launched itself forward, ingesting the rodent in one swallow. How lucky that reptile was to have the chance to eat something. To fill its stomach and not have to stress about the next meal for some time.

"Wow, how low have you fallen, Cahira, that you are starting to get jealous of a vicious snake," I mocked myself. I had often been making fun of myself these past few months, hoping it would help me cope with my lonliness.

Eventually, the snake left, slithering through the space between the rocks, letting its mesmerizingly intricate red and black pattern disappear from my line of sight. As much as snakes were not as intelligent as humans, I envied how they were unbothered by their life of solitude. They could go on with their lives, not interacting with their fellow snakes. They simply moved from place to place, only sleeping and eating when necessary.

Bored, I plucked one of the fruit from the tree. The berries were the length of my nail but highly lethal when consumed. Smearing the fruit on the bark, I drew a wolf in a howling position. I was no artist, nor did the berry's thickness help me draw an accurate picture. Nevertheless, it did not matter since the drawing was for me and me only.

"It's not like someone is going to climb up here and say I bet the horrible artist for this was Princess Cahira," I joked.