GOODBYES [r.m]

THIRTY-ONE

reggie's pov

do you ever have those moments in your life where you feel like nothing could ruin what you have? like absolutely nothing can ruin your love for someone and that nothing can change how you feel about that person?

i've never had that up until now.

the deception of the negative humans in our world today ruined what i had. my love & persona towards the love of my life changed. how you ask?

well she was shot in front of me, nearly died in my arms and that's when everything had changed.

i felt the bang of guilt hit me in the heart.

all of this, from the day i met her to now, is all my fault.

she wouldn't have gone through what she's gone through because of me. i feel like a burden in her life, as if i'm holding her back from her full potential. and that's what i've been avoiding to realize ever since she came back last summer.

i'm holding her back from her happiness.

she was doing fine while she was gone and ever since i came back into her life, she's almost fucking died.

literally.

i don't know how i'm gonna break the news to her. how am i supposed to tell her that i think it's better that we should stop seeing each other after she got shot by god knows who?

i'm trying to do what's best for her but of course my selfish side is coming out and saying that i need her to stay with me, i fucking need sam in my life for good.

it's like there's an angel and devil on each of my shoulders right now. one is telling me to let go and the other is telling me to stay with sam and ignore what had just happened.

here i am, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, covered in blood and absolutely shaking like there's no tomorrow.

the time seems to be against me right now and the overwhelming amount of feelings i'm experiencing right now are gonna make me explode.

i called our friends, i hope they get here fast.

cody stands in the coroner of the room on the phone with someone, yelling at them as he paced around the room. he was rubbing his temples as he cursed in spanish at whoever was on the other side of the phone.

i had a feeling this had to do with the cartel.

no shit, reggie.

but sam was already out of the cartel and stopped working with them over a year ago, so why the hell did they target her?

"where is she?!" two voices boom from the hallway and i hear rushing footsteps coming towards the waiting room.

i turn my head towards the hallway and see the twins with panicked faces. they were both pale and seemed to be absolutely concerned about what's going on.

i stand up from the chair and walk over to them. i tucked my shaking hands into my pants and took a deep breath before speaking to them.

"s-she's in surgery right now. they're doing their best to save her." i repeat the same exact words the nurse told me once we arrived to the hospital.

"that's bullshit! they need to save her instead of fucking trying to! i'll burn this place to the ground if they don't save her." theo has rage in his eyes that was obviously covering his fear of losing his cousin.

eli had pure sadness and worry in his eyes, he was the more sentimental twin unlike theo who was more cold and heartless.

"what happened, reg? why were you with her when it happened?" eli was more calm when he asked me compared to theo who was pretty much yelling at me in my face.