The Other Other Shepherd

Rolling In The Deep

a few weeks later
amelia was still being very distant; 10 weeks pregnant, having her sister living with her, and not sleeping in the same bed as her husband; that amelia.

                            5.00 am
the brunette had already been throwing up in her en-suite toilet for the past hour, but she got herself ready for work nevertheless and went to get herself a cup of tea.

"nice to finally see you again" a bitter saffron said from the spare room door frame.

"not the time saff" pale and tired-looking amelia muttered.

"look i get that something has happened and i get that it's effected you, but you can't take it out on us." the little sister ranted.

the pregnant and tired doctor was done with her husband and her baby sister doing what felt like looking down on her and teaming up on her.

"you really want to know what's happened? when i was living in LA i got pregnant. i got pregnant with my drug addict boyfriend's baby, me also an addict, then for him to OD the night we were going to stop taking. my baby was born without a brain. i held him in my arms for his 43 minutes alive, then he donated his organs to save some other babies lives. that is why i am so so terrified about this having this baby, because i don't know what is going to happen to it, because i can't live through that again. that is why i am terrified about being pregnant." By the end of amelia's speech, she was nearly in tears. it had brought back so many memories, so many feelings she never wanted to experience again.

saffron was shocked. she stood there in silence just watching her sister look like she was about to crumble.

through tears and deep breathes, amelia got out some words, "this is why i didn't tell you, you don't know how to react and i don't blame you for it"

saffron opened her mouth to say something, anything, but there was nothing good for her to say.

the older sister wiped the tears from her eyes and walked over to the girl she wanted to protect from all pain and misery, and held her hands.

"i didn't want you to find out like this i'm sorry, i didn't want you to ever see bad things in the world" a broken amelia said whilst trying to pull herself together for the sake of saffie.

"i- you-, can babies even be born without brains?" saffron squeaked vulnerably.

barely making out words, lia nodded, "i'm afraid so sweetie" Amelia pulled her into a hug, "i'm sorry i've been off with you", she whispered.

burying her head in her sisters neck and wrapping her arms around her, "i'm sorry i've been so terrible i had no idea"

the two sisters spent some time hugging and talking and reassuring each other that they would each be ok, until eventually amelia left for work and saffron actually did some job seeking.