Merry Christmas, Doctor Carter

The Positives and Negatives

There might have been a moment when John was certain; beyond all question, this was what he wanted. To be with Dennis, maybe even marry him, eventually, adopt a sweet child and live happily ever after. Or so he told himself. Happily ever afters didn't exist. A large part of him knew he was only trying to convince himself it did. Nothing about this felt right or happy; getting together with Dennis, sleeping with him and getting pregnant, presumably. Who was he kidding? Of course he got storked. Twenty-eight years old and knocked up by a man who lied to him and everyone else for two years and who was a possible flight risk. It was almost laughable in an ironic, self-deprecating kind of way.

As he glared at the wall, sitting in an otherwise empty exam room, John waited for Peter to return with the test results. He wished he'd hurry up, so he could get on with the day.

The sound of the door opening made him straighten himself. John stared at it with bated breath. He instantly became disappointed when Carol came in instead, her arms full of charts and other paperwork.

"Hey, Carter," Her features hardened as she watched him sitting there, spacing out. "What are you doing in here?"

He forced his heavy eyelids to open, eyebrows lifting along with it. With a sharp breath, he languidly replied, "I'm just waiting for... something."

"Okay," She didn't entirely get it, but she didn't want to pry. Carol turned to leave. Halfway out the door, she reentered, jerked her thumb over her shoulder and said, "There's a bounceback migraine in two. You want me to get Lucy on that?"

"Please?" John flopped down on the examination bed, his arms sticking out over the sides.

"No problem. Are you okay?" Genuine concern was there in her voice.

"Yeah," he lied. Quickly, he changed his answer. "No."

She stepped in further and set her things down on the counter beside the door. Carol shuffled closer to him, her arms folded. "Want to talk about it?"

He took a moment to decide. Details weren't exactly necessary. After all, he could get to that later. For now, it was just the barest of explanations. "Have you ever been so certain about something that turned out to be completely different from what you had built up in your head? No matter how many times you go over it, no matter how many excuses you come up with, you try to find the good in it, but there's nothing."

"I have, yeah. Doug was that something before we tried again," Her head bobbled to and fro as she thought about it. "And Tag, I suppose..."

"I'm ready for something good to happen."

"You and me both," She snickered humorlessly. "Is something going on?"

"Yeah, but... I don't know where to begin. It's all very complicated."

"I can do complicated," she said, smiling as soft as a newborn baby's skin. Carol leaned in closer towards him. "Try me."

John sat up straight and breathed in deeply, steeling himself for her unavoidable disbelief. "About a week ago, I slept with a guy who essentially lied to me for two years, and now, because I'm not one-hundred per cent male, I might be pregnant with his child. At least I think I am. I'm still..." He gestured to the door, indicating there would be a tall, black, easily irritated man whom he hoped would come through at any minute. "Waiting for the tests to come back."

So much for hiding the details.

Carol stared at him, blinking, unable to comprehend what he had just said. After almost five seconds more of stunned silence, she finally spoke. "You're right, that is complicated."

Her response brought out of him a tiny smile and a chuckle, both of which died off as the reminder of his situation sank in.

"You're joking, right?"