An Ensign's Log: The Year of Hell

Chapter 10: To Lose You

Even though they were on board a suitably sized vessel to receive guests, the Starfleet officers preferred to stay the night in the escape pod that had been brought into the cargo bay. Two empty mugs of tea sat on the small round table in the centre of their living quarters, along with a plate of half eaten biscuits. Long hours of constant problem solving and shipwide repairs had left them exhausted, so when their meeting with the Nihydron was complete they immediately turned in for the night, barely having the energy to finish their evening beverages.

The lights were low but still bright enough to see each other lying on the padded benches on opposite sides of the room. It was a mere two meter gap between them and after spending hours on a bigger ship, the escape pod suddenly felt incredibly claustrophobic.
Exhaling deeply, the security officer lay on his back and stared up at the steel grey ceiling, his arms raised above his head to rest his head on his hands.
"Can't sleep?" she muttered across to him quietly, and he rolled onto his side to face her.
"Not really," he raised his brow and tiredly rubbed his eye with his fore finger, "I'm just- concerned. They agreed to helping us so quickly and without even discussing it between themselves first."
"Maybe they agree with whatever Forhn says," she guessed, moving a stray hair behind her ear as she watched his worrisome features intensify. He seemed really anxious about the Nihydron's decision but she couldn't help but be glad. So why wasn't he?
"You're worried they're not going to make it.  Then you'll have their deaths on your conscience," she predicted his thoughts and he shot her a serious glance, making her chew the inside of her cheek nervously.
"Lee, they have agreed to help us on their own terms. As much as it may be a fifty-fifty chance of us surviving the attack on the Krenim, it will be worth the try."
He couldn't argue with that as he pushed himself up to rest on his elbow, his silk shirt tugging over his chest. "Do you believe it's possible?" he thought aloud, gazing past her shoulder into somewhere she couldn't follow.
"What's possible?" she asked, running her hand over her pillow to scrunch the fabric up into her palm. She already knew what he was asking but she didn't want to fall prey to her doubts.
"Is it possible to stop the Krenim Imperial? A ship that's five times the size as Voyager with the ability to erase whole civilisations?"

She bit her lip and breathed heavily through her nose, memories of its immense structure placing itself in her minds eye. Even though Voyager was small in comparison and being slowly torn to shreds, Captain Janeway still had a plan; make as many repairs as possible to then go back for Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Paris who had been beamed onto the Krenim ship many months ago. Whether they were still alive was another story, but she could only hope that they were faring somewhat better then they had done.

"The Captain won't give up so easily. I believe she'll go the ultimate mile to set things straight, maybe even figure out a way to change things back the way they were before all this went wrong," she replied hopeful. Lee scoffed almost angrily at her, slumping onto his back again and folding his arms over his chest. She stared at him wide eyed.
"What is it? Don’t you think it's feasible?" she asked in a gentle tone to prevent him snapping back. She watched him close his eyes and tense his jaw, the muscles on his arms also tensing as he folded them tighter over his chest. She expected him to argue, shout back, share his doubts of their unlikely success. But he just shook his head lightly, eyes blinking open as his lips parted to speak.
"Possibly," he replied simply and rolled over to face the wall, his back to her shielding him from her confused reaction.
What was that all about? she wondered, tossing over herself to face the wall on her right. Why had he reacted so bitterly to the Nihydron alliance? This was what they had both wanted from the first day they stepped into the escape pod; a chance to bring in allies to help defend Voyager. Maybe because he was a security officer he had certain views or feelings about going into battle with strangers they'd only met 24 hours ago? When she really thought about it, the realisation of going back, seeing the devastation of the ship's outer hull, facing the Krenim warship again... She wouldn't let herself focus on those things because that wasn't important. The important thing was to save Voyager, the Captain, Neelix and the others. The inevitable that might be them having to destroy the time weapon wasn't something she liked to dwell on, as she wasn't sure how her life would be after that occurred. Would she return to her normal life on an undamaged Voyager, working away down in Engineering with Lieutenant B'elanna giving her almost impossible schedules to accomplish? Or would the destruction of the weapon cause a rift so dangerous that it would wipe them all out with it, therefore finding herself never existing in the first place?