Between the Lines | ✓

Cliche 4: Shower Scenes

"Xander, wait up!" one of the Melon Trio laughed, sounding completely not breathless, as if this was just a light jog and not a life-or-death chase. I, on the other hand, felt like air was clawing its way down my lungs with every laboured, panicked breath.

"Xander, that's not the way to the art rooms!"

"Or maybe you want to try it in the pool store room?" another girl piped up as we ran across the school grounds.

'Fuck! Are these girls part of the athletics team? I'm about to have a heart attack here! Girls in real life don't act like this, do they?! Fucking author and their fucking novel!' I cried to myself, quickly turning the corner, eyes darting around for somewhere to hide. My eyes widened as I spotted the male change rooms by the side of the grass oval, which was empty since soccer practice had ended just before detention did. There seemed to be no one in sight, and I didn't think twice before darting into the change rooms, hoping that the girls were not brazen enough to look there.

"Oh, shit, if they're crazy enough to proposition me for sex in a classroom, why would they have any apprehension about going into the dude's changing room?!" I hissed to myself, dropping onto all fours and crawling across the tiles, ducking behind a set of lockers and trying to still my breaths. 

"What? Where'd Xander go?" I heard from outside, slapping a hand over my mouth as I stared at the closed door, praying to the gods of this universe to let them be as dumb as the author wrote them and to not think to look in the male change rooms.

Please, please, please...

"He couldn't have disappeared! He... He has to be in one of these rooms, right?"

"Oh! He could totally be in the male changing room! Haven't you heard? He and Crystal did it in the showers there after PE last  year you know?"

"Oh! I see. That's what he's aiming for, right? He's probably waiting for us in there..."

I am definitely not waiting for you in here, what the fuck! Begone, nameless side characters!

Just because there was a shower scene in the original 'Say No to Bad Boys' , that didn't mean that I want to recreate that here, in the male change rooms at school. Who knew what was clinging to the tiles in the shower or on the ground. Athlete's foot was not a cute look, and having warts and fungal growths slathered over one's genitals was even worse - not that I knew from experience.

Just because protagonists and their main leads are apparently immune to any and all STDs in the novel world, and that no one seems to get pregnant even when condoms are also painfully non-existent, I was not going to risk the livelihood of my newly acquired pristine phallus!

In the original novel, the shower scene had been as abrupt as every other sex scene written in it. There was no context, no lead up - just Xander crowding Aubrey against the tiles and rutting into her with reckless abandon. It was just thrust-thrust-thrust-cum-done, and yet Aubrey had been left to think about it for days, the author of the book waxing lyrical about how good it had felt for an entire chapter. 

As if getting rammed against mould-covered tiles without any foreplay was a good time for any one. I may be a certified virgin, but I had read enough trash novels and online forums to know that foreplay is key. And, from what I read in one such trash novel titled 'Say No to Bad Boys', foreplay was something the original Xander Hart knew shit-all about.

And, there was no way Aubrey's lady cave would have been free from sex mushrooms after her romp in a sea of athlete's foot. There was no way I was getting thrush on my magic staff, and there was no way said wand of magic was getting sheathed in any Melon Trio cave of bliss any time soon. While Xander would definitely jump at the opportunity currently being presented to me, I was a virgin, for fuck's sake.