skinny love | shyland

nine

ryland's pov

the breath of fresh air shane had left still felt cool on my skin as i placed my keys on the kitchen table at a little past eight pm. the footsteps of alcohol on my veins and nerve endings felt heavy against my skin; whilst i'd only had a few drinks, i'd always been a lightweight and was already bracing myself for acting as sober as possible. my eyelids felt heavy as i replayed the incident with the paparazzi, meeting louis, arriving at the bar. everything felt like a blur. nudging my shoes off and kicking them into the basket, i steadied myself against the wall with one hand and inhaled sharply when i heard the sound of the bedroom door closing above me.

conor appeared on the landing, poking his head around the wall to meet my eyes. "where've you been?" he asked, his tone of voice wavering as he jogged down the stairs, taking two at a time towards the end.

"sorry, i got caught up." i brushed his question off, hoping the subject of our little girl's health would take prevalence and i could go to sleep without any more questions. "is madison okay?"

"ryland, you were meant to be back three fucking hours ago. i've been dealing with her puking all day and you decide to hang around at the office instead of coming home. she only just fell asleep. you think that's fair?" he asked with knitted eyebrows, glowering across the hall.

suddenly the warmth of alcohol, music and shane's voice had absconded from around me; all i felt was the cool air from outside nipping underneath my shirt sleeves. my lower lip tucked under my teeth and i bit back the responses that ran through my mind. "please, con. i've had a long day and i'm tired. i don't have the energy to fight with you."

i went to walk past him and his fingers wrapped around my wrist, pulling me back roughly. "have you been smoking?" he asked incredulously, his grip tightening and making my skin burn.

a jolt of adrenaline rushed to my head, making my lack of sobriety fluctuate. anxiety swam through me. with my arm growing numb, i averted my gaze to the ground and stayed silent. his eyes searched mine frantically for an answer and i cursed myself for trying to impress shane by doing it in the first place.

"you fucking answer me when i speak to you!" he demanded, raising his voice so loud that my ears began to ring.

i flinched. "no. i've been with shane all day. he smokes." i lied weakly, feeling my eyes well up with tears as i tried to pull my wrist back. "you're going to wake up madison."

conor didn't let go when he let out a scoff, instead pressing the pads of his fingers so far into my arm that i felt dizzy. our faces were close enough to hear him grit his teeth.

"i'm going to bed." i whispered with a wave of humiliation coursing through my lungs, and with a sharp tug i yanked my arm out of his grasp. the stairs beneath my feet felt foreign as i fumbled for the bannister in the dark, my stomach tightening and heartbeat quickening.

i slipped into the bathroom, closing and locking the door, before exhaling with a sob lodged in my throat. my back slid down wall and an excruciating jab of anxiety scraped at my ribcage. paint chips sat on the floor from the half-finished decorating job conor had started last month and a drop of water from the shower head thudded as it hit the floor. it felt as though someone was standing on my chest. the bathroom was dimly lit from the street lamp that shone through the tiny window, but the beam was strong enough to highlight the red finger marks indented into my throbbing skin. my wrist ached, yearning to be soothed, but instead i balled my hands into fists and rested my forehead on my knees, desperate to catch my breath.

*

i stormed into the office twenty minutes late the next morning with no coffee and three missed calls from shane. i threw my bag down underneath my desk, not even sparing a glance for where it landed. my fingernails dug into the palm of my free hand and i whipped my head back in frustration, stifling a groan when the next insult was thrown down the reciever.