Warriors #5: Heart of Fire

Chapter 26

Lilypetal's POV

I closed my eyes and lifted my head slightly as the gentle, warm breeze brushed against my fur. I shifted my paws slightly and let myself enjoy the feel of the softness of the grass, which is something I never thought I'd miss so much.

I almost wished that I could've stayed like that forever - sitting, eyes closed as I relished in the huge thaw that had come about in just the past few days. With the warmth, the snow had all quickly melted away.

And the ice-covered lake had now been replaced with water, as it was during the other three seasons. The newleaf sun reflected beautifully against it. What was so awful was that I couldn't enjoy it at all. I wondered if I'd ever be able to stand the sight of the lake again.

Yet, here I was. But I was here with a purpose.

I sighed, internally fighting with myself to stay strong as I looked down at the small plant that was lying at my paws. Lavender.

I screwed my eyes shut, feeling like I had to look away and contain myself once more. I can't do this, I thought in dismay and grief. I can't do it.

I then lashed my tail and took a deep breath, forcing myself to look down at the small purple flower once again. I have to do it.

I bent my head down, gently clamping the lavender into my jaws. I felt my eyes well up with emotion and my chest fall almost physically heavy as the sweet but piercing scent flooded into my nose. It was a scent that had made me extremely happy until just a quarter moon ago, but now it was tainted with sorrow.

I slowly padded closer and closer to the lake, each step feeling more painful and dreaded than the next. I practically felt numb by the time that I came face to face with my reflection in the water. I could barely stand to see the evident gleam of sadness in my own hazel eyes.

So I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to contain myself again. Lilypetal, you've waited to get this closure, and now you're getting it, I told myself. I then let my eyes open as I thought, make this worth the wait.

Almost feeling like I had been given a brief bit of strength, I took one last step forward, lowered my head, and dropped my jaw slightly. I then felt the little strength I had dissolve as I watched the flower fall into the lake, sending small ripples of water in every direction. As the plant drifted farther and farther out, I felt my pain growing stronger and stronger, but in a way, so was the ease I had been missing.

I stared off at the floating bud for a few heartbeats before letting my eyes close yet again. "Hi, Mistpelt," I whispered out loud. "I know that you loved the smell of lavender. You pointed it out each time you found it in the forest..."

I then trailed off, feeling too heartbroken to continue on for a moment. "I know that your spirit still lingers here, so I thought I'd..." I trailed off once more. "I thought I'd send one your way."

My head then lowered to the ground as I spoke my next words. "I miss you so much," I meowed, my voice heavy with heartache. I then screwed my eyes shut again, forcing back the emotion that surged in them. "Oh, Mistpelt, I am so, so sorry." I then sat down, simply trying to relish in this extremely despairing, but needed moment.

This had been one of the first times since my kitting that I had been able to possess the physical ability to leave the camp on my own. Thanks to Jayfeather's strengthening herbs and lots of rest, I had been able to recover from my weakness quite quickly.

And since Mistpelt's death, all I had wanted to do was commemorate her in some way. All I had been doing up until now was lie in the nursery or medicine den, having to appear strong while my heart felt as if it was being ripped to shreds from the inside. And having to cope with the fact that Mistpelt had gone to StarClan in the middle of our conflict, all because I had let it stay that way. I will never forgive myself for letting things end the way that they did.