Heart of a Mortal (Loki Romance)

Chapter 21

TW: Domestic abuse. Physical violence.

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One month later.

The fights had gotten worse and Loki's absences even longer. It was like Cam all over again. I knew he was doing something wrong. I knew this would all come down on our heads. But that giant had invaded my dreams again with visions of torture and destruction, promises that if I was not worried for myself, I would worry for my family. I dreamed again and again of Liv and Robby, and Mom. I watched them burn and be torn apart. Even Lily. I saw her once, playing in the yard when the blindfolded creature appeared and took her.

And she screamed for me. She screamed and pleaded and cried but no matter how fast I ran, the creature walked just out of reach. Then one night, I had the same dream. But this time, far from him and stranded on that grey planet, the creature handed Lily over to Loki and he held her tightly, smiling over her head at me. She cried to him, relieved and smiling. I knew what he would do. I felt it bubble up like a scream in my throat. This time, I managed to wake myself up.

It was hard to separate dreams from a reality that was steadily growing worse. Was this presence threatening to turn Loki into a monster or was he merely showing me my worst fears? Was this the man that had tried to destroy a planet? To kill his brother? To take a throne that he wasn't ready for? Or was this man becoming something far worse?

I didn't have any answers and I certainly didn't have the voice to ask Loki any questions.

The strange blue streaks in his eyes had become progressively brighter. In one dream I had glimpsed something like a gem that was just as bright and just as chilling. Whatever it was, it had poisoned Loki. Or as the giant said: "opened his mind to his potential." Something was changing in him physically and it was going to alter everything. I wondered if there was any way what was left of our relationship could survive.

It became impossible to hide the effects of this stress. I didn't want to talk about myself or how things were whenever Liv called. Hearing about her day brought me a semblance of normality, a reminder that the world was still constant, even if my life was not. Robin called often; asking if Loki was beating me, if I was hurt, scared.

He hadn't tied to hit me again and sometimes, if I was lucky, that concern from before returned. He was gentler then and would try to convince me that everything would be alright. I learned to appreciate those moments rather than try to question him. Questions brought back his rage. The moments when he broke free of that all-encompassing anger, that obsession with being powerful, were moments when it was safe to be close to him. I learned to take them as they came and expect nothing more.

I could leave. I could go visit Liv until this ended or I could force him to go. But would being closer to my family put them in more danger when Loki came looking for me? And would forcing him to leave incite the giant's anger and bring my dreams to life? I didn't dare risk it. Suffering alone was better than bringing pain on anyone else.

Meanwhile, I was still sick. The stress wasn't helping me recover. I went to my doctor finally. Normally for something like this, I would just go to a local clinic like Urgent Care or something. But I was overdue for a check up anyway and something told me I should see Doctor Castor this time. She was a nice little spanish woman who had been seeing me since I moved here. I changed practices when she moved just so I could keep her. She had laughed when I did that.

"You never come to your check ups anyway, how can you be so devoted to a doctor you don't see?"

I called for an appointment and went in the morning. She checked out my symptoms and then looked at me from over her glasses.