tw// my feelings straight from my brain slimes, mentions of death, small mention of s*icide, escapism, isolation, all that fun stuff straight from my brain 😃😃
some people ask me why i always play my music loud in my headphones even tho i know it's bad for my ears
well, i listen to my music so loud as a form of escapism to distract myself from my constant crippling anxiety and fear that me and my family could be wiped out at a moment's notice and nobody would even know. it also distracts me from my 24/7 bad brain slimes making me feel like a complete and utter failure for not being prepared for the future and just plotting to possibly take the easy way out.
i'm also asked why i never talk to anyone irl and always prefer to stay at home
the story behind that, is when my pa paw died i had never experienced any family deaths before when i was actually alive and walking. so the sadness crushed me like a 30 ton rock, that i still can't under. so, i isolated myself for days at a time, not talking to anyone except for online friends since they were, and still are, the only people who cared and listened. to make matters worse with the 30 ton rock metaphor, i'm an empath. i feel the emotions of others and it sucks (sometimes). it also increases how much i feel emotions on my own by about x1000. so, the default sadness from the death, add the sadness from my family around me and the increase of how much i feel feelings from before, as a whole is a big disaster. in fact, i'm still griefing to this day. it sucks ass, but i can't get over it :/
and that is why i love escapism ❤❤❤
YOU ARE READING
syd's shit
Spirituala book with 1) shit about me, 2) shit that's happening and 3) my stance on the shit that's happening!!!! this is an ADMIN BOOK. everything i say here is NOT associated with my anon character AT ALL.
