Lucky Strike

Chapter 19

Just as I am about to open my car door to go home, I hear footsteps come closer behind me. My hand instinctively shoots to my side, my fingers already working at the button of my holster. When I have the gun accessible, I take it out and whip around.

Staring down the barrel of my gun with a surprised grin is none other than Spencer Ried. He slowly puts his hands behind his head and turns around.

"My only weapon is the gun on my belt, but feel free to pat me down to check."

I roll my eyes and put my gun back into my holster with an annoyed sigh.

"What the hell is your problem? What good did you think could come from sneaking up on me?"

"I honestly didn't expect you to be so quick on your feet", he says

"Glad I exceeded your expectations", I deadpan.

I reach for my car door but I am stopped once again.

"Do you want to come over?", he asks.

"No", I scoff.

"Why not?"

"Because you're an asshole and I hate you."

"What did I do", he asks as if he genuinely did not know.

"What didn't you do? I swear, Spencer, you are so hot and cold with me. One second you think I'm a spoiled brat who isn't competent enough to do her job, and the next you're flirting with me! Which is it? Do you hate me or do you want to fuck me?"

"Why can't I do both? You sure seem to like it when I fuck you like I hate you", he says.

"No games, Reid. What the fuck is going on?"

His eyes drop to the ground and for the first time, Spencer looks insecure. He often puts up a cocky, holier-than-thou attitude, but even in our more pleasant experiences, he never seems unsure about anything.

His brows furrow and he runs his hand through his hair, messing up his hair further. When his eyes meet mine again, I see something I have never seen in him before.

"I don't do feelings, Y/n. Not anymore", he says, voice barely more than a hoarse whisper.

Love.

"Feelings? What feelings?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"You can tell me how much you want to fuck me in the kitchen at work, but you can't look me in the eye and tell me you're in love with me?"

Spencer's eyes widen so much it's almost comical. His mouth drops open and for the first time, maybe ever, he is at a loss for words.

"I'm not as bad of a profiler as you think. Remember when we were in your hotel room and you said that you'd marry me instantly if I submitted to you?"

Spencer only nods.

"I didn't put it together until now, but that is what this has all been about, hasn't it? You say I'm incompetent, yet you go out of your way to do things for me? You say you can't stand me, but you'd marry me if I did what you said? That doesn't sound like hate at all, Reid. It sounds like a man who's afraid of his own emotions pushing the object of his affection away so you don't have to face your reality."

"Y/n, I-"

"It's my turn, Reid", I say with a pointed glare. "The other night, you made me emphasize that I was yours. Is that what you want? To call me yours?" I step closer to him and place my hand in the center of his chest. "You want to make me your princess? You want to give me everything I've ever wanted and more because you're completely and utterly whipped by me?"

"You're wrong", he says. "Since the moment I met you, I wanted you to be mine, but I couldn't have you. You always get whatever you want, and everyone thinks you're a little angel and I couldn't stand it, so I brought you to my level. Every time you fought with me, it reminded me that you're not untouchable. I may be lonely and sad, but you're not any better than I am."

Spencer's hands snake around my waist and pull my hips to his. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean against his chest, feeling his racing heartbeat.

"Tell me you love me", I whisper.

"I'm done giving you what you want. You say it first."

"I always get what I want, so you might as well give up now before you waste your time."

"You're still a fucking brat, even at a time like this", he says.

"It's part of my charm."

"I hate you", he breathes.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. I hate your pretty face, and your smile, and how you tap your fingers when you're nervous, and that crease you get between your eyebrows when you're focused. I hate that you make me feel emotions that I swore that I'd never feel again. I hate that you came into my life and became important because now I'll never be able to forget you. I hate that you hate me."

"You're right, I do hate you. I hate how you're so smart and you always know the answer before I even ask. I hate how you always play with your hair and you always leave work with it messy. I hate that you know my favorite food, and color, and song and seat on the jet. I hate that I know you because now I'll never be able to let you go."

Spencer and I stare into each other's eyes, both of us searching for something. I am not certain what he is looking for, but he'll find it. Every emotion that's possible to feel, I feel at this moment. In his eyes, I find adoration, longing, and hope with just a spark of hatred that I am amused to find.

"Will you take me home?"