2 | BROKEN INSIDE ME

CHAPTER 3

I’m a person who needs to spend some time on my own every single day. No, I don't only need, I crave for it. Just sit in silence. Or listen to the piano music. Look in the window. Or keep my eyes shut. Drink coffee or tea. Talk to myself loudly. Make a facial mask and take a hot shower. Read a book. Or observe my seilings. Bake muffins. Or lay on my bed. Dance or sing. Or cry and scream. Be sad, be happy, be nervous, be excited, be tired… Be on my own. Absolutely alone. Without people, without social media, without responding to messages, without conversations, without news. Just me and me. I want to think about my important stuff, I want to clean my head a little bit, I want to re-energize, I want the world to stop running for some short period of time.

From time to time, I have such a strange, but strong feeling that people around me steal a little piece of my soul and don’t return it back or return it, but in a distorted form. Gradually, I become more and more empty and then suddenly I understand that I have nothing for me,  I have nothing to give because I’m full of other’s feelings and emotions that can be both positive and negative, but that are not mine at all, and I need to take them away from my head, my body and my soul in order to start breathing fully again.

I love people, each of my friends and acquaintances are so wonderful and unique and I’m grateful I have them, news, gossips, talks are so interesting and I love to find out something new, but sometimes I’m overwhelmed with all of the information that I can’t even express what I feel, think, need, what I want after all.

I have and know my boundaries, I need time to calm down and ponder, I want to understand my own feelings, my attitude, my thoughts, I want to understand myself. That’s why, each day a little period of time I spend with myself, because I love myself.

Spending time on your own, without doing anything productive, without important news and messages, without rush, is absolutely normal. Not everyday, but once per two days, or per week. Just you and no other soul around.

Being on your own is a sigh of self-love.

p.s. and, no, you’re not right, I do not hate people as you can think. I just don't hate myself.

—life in silly pictures

Edited
210621
12:19 pm