"Starving your newest prodigy seems like an odd strategy, Arobynn," Ben commented lightly. Celaena was tearing into her dinner with a fervor reminiscent of street rats. Ben couldn't be sure she was chewing.
It had been a long day. One of the longer ones since she had woken up here, in fact. It was the first time she had failed to find the answer to one of Arobynn's little research questions. After several hours of hunting down as many distant female relations of Lawrence Gallo as Celaena could find, and many, many incorrect guesses, she still felt no closer to figuring out who Louvis was. Maybe a prostitute? She didn't think Arobynn kept records of all the prostitutes in Adarlan, but she supposed it probably wouldn't hurt to ask. Maybe it would. She could just check the library herself.
"First, she's far from a prodigy," Arobynn corrected Ben, taking a sip of wine. Celaena paused from her eating long enough to scowl at him. "Second, she's allowed further meals when she earns them. She knows that. Third, we survived on a single meal a day for much long than she has when we were her age and the meals were far less fine than this. She'll be fine."
Celaena choked on her dinner role. Arobynn had survived on one meal a day? The same Arobynn who owned this enormous country estate and employed at least eight servants just for himself? She gulped down some water to ease her coughing while she processed this. She had never really considered Arobynn's past. She had just assumed he had come from money. Maybe a second or third son of a wealthy merchant who wanted to rebel and make his own fortune. Certainly not someone struggling to find one meal a day.
"Are you finished?" Arobynn asked mildly as Celaena finally got her coughing under control.
"I-- I didn't--" Celaena struggled to find the right words, "I have trouble picturing you my age."
Arobynn gazed at her coolly as he took another, longer, sip of wine. His silver-gray eyes bored into her own turquoise and gold ones. Ben glanced back and forth between them, shoving another forkful of food in his mouth.
"When I was your age I'd already killed three times for money," Arobynn finally said. "Some gambling establishment paid me and three other feral street children five coppers between us to knife some drunk. I believe the usually security for the establishment was on exceptionally thin ice with the City Watch at the time. I think they expected us to kill each other for the last coin. If there had only been three of us, our pay would have been four coppers."
Celaena sat frozen in her seat. Despite the long hours they'd spent together over the course of the last week, he rarely, if ever, spoke about his past. It was a silent agreement they were both party too; no questions about the past got you no lies. Still, her curiosity gnawed at her. She didn't want to risk even the smallest movement interrupting him and cause him to reconsider divulging his partial history.
"They were right. Two boys didn't see the point in splitting our recompense. I killed them." Celaena continued her absolute stillness, unsure if he was finished, silently willing him to continue.
"The boys were bigger than me, but I had been on the street longer. I had been beaten by pub owners for sifting through their trash. I had fed on rats I caught myself. I had been spit on and pissed on while begging for even just a single coin. I knew I was done begging. So if those boys thought I would plead with them to keep some of the pay, they were absolutely mistaken. I had nothing left to loose. And while they had distracted the drunk, tripping him to bring him down, kicking and punching him to keep him down, I was the one who stabbed him in the heart and watched the life leave his eyes." Arobynn took another sip of wine, divulging his story as coolly as if he were reporting the weather. Celaena wasn't sure she was breathing. "I never went hungry again. I offered my services to the gambling establishment and proved myself useful. I'll admit my methods were... unsophisticated to begin with. Stabbing someone in the heart is a sure way to kill them, but it's more difficult than you expect the first time you do it. Ribs often get in the way if you're not careful. As I gained experience, though, I became the best there is. I made sure of it."
Celaena pushed her potatoes and vegetables around her plate considering this knew information. She found her appetite had abandon her. Killing a drunk seemed easy in a practical sense, especially for the first time you killed someone. In another sense though... in the sense of watching a human being look out at the world for the last time... that still seemed difficult to her. Killing two people who tried to kill you, even if they were children, seemed a bit more approachable that way.
A month ago Celaena never would have thought she'd find herself weighing how to ease herself into murder. She never would have considered herself capable. Arobynn's story about having nothing to loose resonated deeply. With nothing to loose, killing didn't seem like such an insurmountable task. Celaena wondered distantly about the third boy in the story.
"If you're finished eating, you may excuse yourself for the night," Arobynn said, cutting through her musings.
"I'm not finished!" Celaena quickly scooped food onto her fork and into her mouth. In actuality, she was nearly full to bursting, perhaps another reason for her vanished appetite, but she hadn't tucked nearly enough food away to get her through tomorrow and needed more time at the table.
After a beat, she paused her chewing, "After dinner I'm excused for the night?"
Traditionally after dinner they retreated back to the training yards so Celaena could become accustomed to running in the dark.
"Yes," Arobynn set his silverware down and nodded for Freckles to take away his plate. "I'm leaving for business tomorrow. Ben will take over your training while I'm away. There are things we need to discuss."
"You're leaving me?" Celaena found herself in danger of choking for a second time.
"I would have thought you learned how loathe I am to repeat myself by now."
She gaped. Then closed her mouth. He "trained" her. He attacked her. He starved her. Of course he would leave. The coldness that had frosted over her heart the last few weeks deepened just a bit further.
As if he sense the growing coldness in her, Arobynn added, "It's important. I'll return in a few days."
"We'll have plenty of fun while he's away!" Ben insisted boisterously from his seat. Celaena glanced at him sharply. She certainly didn't trust an assassin's idea of "fun." Suddenly uninterested in food and uncertain she ever would be again, Celaena pushed herself away from the table.
"I'll excuse myself now. I'm sure you two have much to discuss without me." Celaena could hear the childish whine in her voice, but couldn't bring herself to care. She strode as cooly as she could away from the table.
YOU ARE READING
Assassin in Training: A Celaena Sardothien Origin Story
Fanfiction"She wanted to give up. Kings could kill old men and little girls, destroy countries and magic. Why did she want to live in a world like this? But she did want to live. She might want to give up right now, but she did not want to die. She wanted to...
