Celaena found herself back in the library. This was really the first time she had been given the freedom to do whatever she wished since she came here. Normally, Arobynn made sure she stuck to a strict schedule where she was rarely out of his sight. Celaena wasn't ready for bed. Despite the general ache that consumed her small body from the seemingly interminable drills, she was not tired yet. She supposed it was a relief to not be physically running around in the dark right now, but that was exactly what she was doing mentally.
So she was in the library.
Celaena briefly considered resuming her search for Louvis's identity. The thought of doing anything for Arobynn right now though... especially since he hadn't explicitly ordered her to... she quickly discarded that plan. She wanted to think about anything but Arobynn right now.
She slowly circled the room, letting her fingers trail over all the spines. Even without opening them, the feel of the books calmed her. Celaena did three laps, moving her hand up a shelf each time, before her arm got tired from being raised and her mind slowed to a gentle emptiness.
A novel she had read at least three times called to her. She pulled the familiar tome from the shelf and settled in the chair closet to the fire, her little legs hanging over on arm and her head propped up by the other.
She ran her hand over the cover and remembered her mother's resigned sigh after she had failed to dissuade Celaena the novel was too grown up for her. Celaena also thought her mother was proud of her after seeing the book read again and again. Her mother had stopped telling her what book she was too young for after that.
The memory made her heart squeeze painfully and she shook her head violently against it. After a deep sigh through her nose, she open the cover and let herself be lost among the comfortingly familiar word.
"Darling? Darling, it's time to wake up now." Celaena heard her mother's voice calling her awake, but she was so tired. She rolled over to bury her head in the pillows. The bed was damp. No, wet. Thoroughly, soaking wet.
"My love, you must wake up now."
Celaena opened her eyes, and saw the pillows were red. She quickly pushed herself up, hearing a sickening squelching noise every time her hands or knees pressed into the mattress.
The wetness was... was blood. Blood was everywhere, covering her hands and nightclothes. Small pools formed where her knees sank into the bed. The blood was unending. She could feel it drip down her cheek.
"I'm so glad you woke up, darling. You must be careful now."
Celaena turned to look at her mother... and screamed.
Her mother stood at the edge of her bed, a violent gash exposing most of her throat. Blood poured it, steadily running down her front.
"Hush, my love. Your father wants to see you." Blood dribbled from her mother's lips with every word. Celaena whipped her head to the other side of her bed to see her father.
"Fireheart," he smiled.
Celaena screamed again. The wound slitting her father's throat was just as ghastly as her mother's. Blood washed down his shirt like a fountain, splashing onto the soaked bed.
She scrambled backwards. Away from these... these people who could not be her parents. No. They couldn't be her parents. They couldn't.
She went back too far. She felt herself falling, falling.
She fell into a river. She could see a light above the surface. She had to get there. The more she swam, the farther and farther the light became.
But she had to get there. Something was beneath her. It was coming, coming. She kicked furiously, desperately towards the light.
She was too slow. Hands grabbed her. All she could do was scream and scream and the hands held and shook her.
"Celaena!" They shook her, refusing to release her. "Celaena!" She would die here. She screamed in knowing she would die here.
"Celaena!"
Her eyes flew open as she looked around wildly without seeing. She thought she heard a fading scream. It was coming from her.
Celaena gasped, struggling to force air into her lungs. She saw hands firmly grasping her arms. Panting, her wide turquoise eyes met Arobynn's silver one. She stared.
As her heart rate came down, she broke her gaze from Arobynn and look around more carefully. She was in room. Not the one she had first woken up in; Arobynn had moved her to a larger room with a real window. The book she had been reading in the library after dinner was closed and neatly placed on the drawer next to her bed. And Arobynn was leaning over her, face completely blank, as usual, clasping her arms to her sides.
"What... what happened?" Celaena asked in a small voice. She thought she knew, but then again she wasn't sure she knew anything any more.
"You were having a nightmare. I was afraid you would hurt yourself." Arobynn slowly released her, sitting back in a chair he must have moved from her desk to the side of her bed.
"Why do you care. You let me hurt myself all the time. Besides, you're leaving."
After a few moments of silence, Celaena peaked up at Arobynn. He held his head a tilt, his brow slightly furrowed over his silver eyes, considering her.
"You hurt yourself in training. It's part of learning how not to hurt yourself. It serves a purpose. You won't be fending off anyone in your sleep. There's no purpose there." Celaena looked away. Fine. Arobynn could decide when she could or could not hurt herself then. He decides everything.
"I do care," Arobynn said more gently, "And I'm coming back."
Celaena looked up at him sideways.
"I care, but I know I cannot protect you all the time. That's why we're training. You can't rely on someone else to protect you all the time. You need to be able to protect yourself."
Celaena stared up at his face once more, fully facing him. Arobynn never spoke so gently, or emotionally to her, to anyone she suspected.
"I will come back," he said again, taking her hand. She gave a small nod.
"Arobynn?" Celaena ventured hesitantly after a beat.
"Mm?" he returned, holding her gaze, giving her hand a soft, reassuring squeeze.
"That... that night when I first got here," Celaena dropped her gaze and bit her lower lip, almost loosing her nerve. She took a deep breath before meeting his eye again, and continued, "Did you.. was I wearing a... a... necklace?"
Arobynn's lips pursed in a frown. "A necklace?"
"Um. A pendant. Gold, with a stag on it?"
Arobynn shook his head. "No, you were only in soaking wet night clothes." Celaena looked back down at her lap.
"I'm sorry," Arobynn added. Celaena looked up once more. She was certain she'd never heard him say that before.
The two met each other's eyes for several minutes, the red headed assassin with silver eyes and the golden haired, turquoise eyed girl.
Finally, Arobynn stirred. "I must be going. I have an early morning tomorrow."
Celaena nodded. He released her hand as he rose, she'd forgotten he held it. When he reached her door, he paused, turning to her on last time.
"Celaena," he said, only his silhouette really visible from the light streaming in from the hallway, "I will return to you. I promise."
And then, he was gone. And Celaena was left again in darkness.
YOU ARE READING
Assassin in Training: A Celaena Sardothien Origin Story
Fanfiction"She wanted to give up. Kings could kill old men and little girls, destroy countries and magic. Why did she want to live in a world like this? But she did want to live. She might want to give up right now, but she did not want to die. She wanted to...
