Faded innocence

Chapter Fourteen.

Disclaimer- Harry Potter belongs to JK. Rowling, not me.

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Harry's head had not hit the pillow when he heard a knock at the double oak doors, which led into his bedroom. Opening the door he was surprised to find Neville. "Neville?" He asked. "Hey Harry, do you mind if I come in?" He asked timidly. Harry opened the door wider, letting Neville pass through. "I'm surprised you let me in." He said. "Why?" Asked Harry sitting on the black leather couch. "I can see your aura and I know you are Neville. You can't use Poly juice or something." He said as he raised his arm toward the other seat, offering it to Neville. Once Neville was seated, Harry asked, "So Nevile, what are you doing here?" Neville looked at Harry and said, "You didn't hear?" At Harry's confused face he added, "Gran passed months ago and Sirius adopted me."

"Really?" Neville nodded his head and said, "I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be so hard on Sirius, he's trying his best." Harry looked at Neville and said, "I am sorry for your loss, but my personal life is none of your business." Neville looked at Harry and realized this was not the same Harry that he knew, that this was a broken boy who felt completely alone. "Look Harry, I know how you feel but don't make it so hard on them. They are trying their hardest to make it up to you. And right now they feel like you are not appreciating them." He finished.

"What makes you think I care about how they feel? And no, you do not know a fraction of what I am feeling." When Neville opened his mouth Harry silenced him saying, "Can you leave?" Neville was surprised at the bluntness, he did not expect Harry to have this much anger. He stood up and before he left he said, "Harry, you have to let go of this misguided anger."

Harry smirked and said, "Whoever said it was misguided?"

As he watched the reitreting back of one of his former friends, he couldn't help but think that maybe they still love him. But these thoughts fleeted after a moments of consideration. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his parent's begging voices out of his mind. Cedric's death was too fresh on his mind to forget. His trial flashed before his eyes raw on his injured mind. And he knew from that moment on that he would never forgive, let alone forget. He knew then and there that he would make them pay for the hell they put him through.

It has been three weeks since he was let out of Azkaban and Harry never left his room. He prepared his breakfast at 5 in the morning and goes back to his room. The scars on his back had nearly faded, leaving marks of his days from Azkaban. But the scars on his face could never be repaired. Neville had left him alone after that and Harry knew that the boy was shaken with his answers for his inquires. Though, if Harry was honest with himself after all that he was put through, he had a right to be mad at the people who turned their heads on him when he needed them most. He was a bit surprised at how confident Neville has become. He was no longer the bumbling child that never believed in himself. He was now a young man, who had been bruised and passed the tests that were presented by life. 

Harry's bone-thin appearance was now almost completely diminished and when once you could feel the bones underneath his skin, now there was a smooth linning of muscle. His sickly pale face now had its color back. Exercise and food had done him well. He could now pass as a healthy 15-year-old. He grudgingly woke to the chirping of a bird, who had met its rather unfortunate end at Harry's temper. He opened his black curtains to see the surrounding areas of 12 Grimmauld place. He heard a knock at his door and the voice of Sirius asking permision to come in. Harry quickly put on his glamour and said, "Come in." granting access to his guardian.

Sirius entered the mostly black room and said, "Harry, school opens soon. We should go and get you your supplies." Harry just nodded and without turning to face him said, "Yeah, sure." Sirius Stepped to the door and turned his face to Harry looking at the boy he betrayed. He looked at Harry's shirtless back and sighed in defeat. His back no longer had bones and ribs sticking to it looking like they wanted to exit his body. But it had scars all over that looked red and raw. And Sirius knew that they would leave huge gashes as scars that would never heal. Sirius did not want to see the scars on his face because he didn't think he could handle the guilt he would feel. "Oh and today is your appointment with the minister. After we go shopping for Hogwarts we can go straight to the ministry." He said. Harry mumbled a silent 'okay' and looked back to see Sirius was nowhere in sight.

Sirius exited Harry's room fast as tears started to sting his eyes. He wiped the tears that started to roll down his cheeks, as he heard Remus' voice. "Sirius, are you okay?" Asked Remus. "Yeah, I'm fine." He lied. "Sirius, I am worried about you." Sirius laughed a bitter laugh and said, "Why, worried I'll take a leap off a cliff?" He said laughing. Although for Remus this was hardly a laughing matter. "Would you? After all you have been through it won't be surprising." He said.

Sirius looked at his old friend, his face dead serious. "I don't have a right to die. After all I did to that poor boy, I don't deserve that type of freedom. I have to at least try to fix him. After all I was part of his horrible life." He said, staring at the floor like it had all the answers. "Padfoot you can't blame yourself like that. Yes, you did something you shouldn't have done. But we all did. All of us believed he was guilty.You can't dump all of this on yourself." He warned. "Look at him, he even has to use glamours to make his scars at least bearable. I failed as his godfather..."

Remus looked at his old friend and said, "No you didn't, there's still time to correct everything." He tried as he saw his best friend crumble before his eyes. Sirius shook his head and said, "The scars that Azkaban leaves on the mind are too ripe. Even for me. I still can't talk about it. We made him spend a year making him hear his parents deaths. He is depressed and I am pretty sure he has anxiety. He needs help. Professional help. I am going to St. Mungos to get a mind healer." He said as he apparated to St. Mungo's lobby.

A few hours found Harry standing in the Black family library soaking up a tome that taught wandless magic, wearing black jeans and a black shirt that he got at a muggle store. "Harry?" He heard. He turned his head to see Hermione Granger standing with a large book balanced on her hand. He quirked one eyebrow asking her what she wanted. When she stayed silent he returned to his book.

After a few hours of reading silently, she decided to break the silence. "Harry, do you mind if Ron and I go to Diagon alley with you today?" She asked in one breath, looking at the floor. He just shrugged his shoulder and left the room. Hermione frowned and said, "Well, this is going to take some time."

Harry, Neville, Hermione, Ron, and Sirius were walking down the busy streets of Diagon Alley, Harry under a heavy glamour not wanting to give away who he really was. Harry did all of their shopping in record time so he didn't have to be in the grace of their presence one more minute. As they came infront of Ollivander's Sirius said, "Harry, you have to get a new wand." Harry turned his face and said, "I don't need one anymore. I'll do fine without one." Sirius looked at Harry with an expression of shock and asked, "How come?" Harry turned to face his guardian and said, "You don't need to know that." Hermione and Ron exchanged looks of confusion but had the sinking feeling that they were going to find out soon enough. 

Harry walked silently enough to madame Malkin's and stood on the podium to get measured for new robes. Madame Malkin measured the unknown boy and gave him black robes just the way she made them. He handed her 15 galleons and went to the street to meet with the others. Once, he found them he said, "I'm leaving." With that, he shadow traveled to 12 Grimmauld place. What met him though was not a good sight.