Trials & Tribulations

Chapter 11. "What did you do?"

Lauren sat in her car, her hands clasping the steering wheel tightly, her head resting on top of them, her eyes closed. She inhaled deeply in an attempt to clear her head. What the hell had she been thinking? She thought to herself, banging her head against the steering wheel gently. For the life of her, Lauren couldn't understand what had possessed her to do something so stupid. 

There was a reason that she'd been keeping her feelings a secret from Camila, a very valid reason. It wasn't because she was scared of Camila's rejection, although, she'd admit that had
played on her mind in the numerous debates she'd had with herself about opening up to the girl that consumed her every waking thought. No, her silence was actually due to much less selfish reasons. Camila was vulnerable; she was dealing with a lot of stress already, with her health, with school and Lauren didn't want to add to that any further. Lauren had been happy being Camila's friend, more than happy in fact. Spending time with Camila was better than nothing and her happiness meant more to Lauren than her own ever would. Lauren had kept her feelings quiet because deep down she knew that Camila needed her more as a friend than she needed Camila as a girlfriend. Now everything was ruined and there was a very distinct possibility that she'd lose Camila completely, all because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Lauren banged her head against the steering wheel again, her right hand mirroring it and striking the object in frustration. Shit. She thought. Shit. Shit. Shit. She inhaled deeply once again, letting the breath escape slowly from her mouth, trying to rid herself of the terrifying dread which seemed to have consumed her whole body. Lauren tried to recollect what she'd been thinking when she'd confessed all to Camila but the truth is she hadn't been. At that moment it had just felt right and she couldn't help herself from finally speaking the words she'd longed to say since the first day that they'd met. For once, Lauren had taken her own advice and she'd let her heart govern her emotions. She'd stopped overthinking everything; shut her brain and its maddening logic out of conscious thought and done what Camila had suggested, she'd taken a risk, she'd lived.

The only problem was that living was painful. It fucking hurt. As soon as something was out there, as soon as you'd voiced those words and someone had heard them, you could never take them back. Camila had told her that life was too short and Lauren agreed with that sentiment wholeheartedly, it had, in fact, been a huge driving force behind her confession. The thought of losing Camila, that any more harm should come to her than already had, scared Lauren. The thought of Camila never knowing what she'd meant to Lauren terrified her more than anything, especially because her confidence and self-esteem were already so low. So she'd thought, "What the hell? What's the worst that could happen?" Had she thought about it a little bit more, perhaps she would have listened to that infuriating rationality which she often prided herself on and kept her mouth firmly closed.

Instead, she now found herself sitting alone in her car, the deathly silence that had followed her confession ringing tauntingly in her ears. Lauren lifted her head off the steering wheel and ran a hand through her hair, resolving to get as far away from Camila's house as possible so that she could clear her head and think. She quickly found her car keys in her lap pushed them into the ignition and turned them, the engine and car burning into life around her. Lauren put the car in drive, checked her rear view mirror momentarily and indicated to pull out from her parking spot, her foot finding the accelerator and moving the vehicle forward and away from the curb.

Lauren was just picking up speed when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and the next thing she knew something had thrown itself in front of her car. She slammed on the brakes, the car coming to a sudden, screeching stop just centimeters from the person in front of it who had hit the hood firmly with both hands in an attempt to protect themselves from impact. Lauren's mouth dropped slightly in surprise as she finally realized that it was Camila who was stood watching her from the other side of the windscreen and she flew out of the car, her concern for the other girl manifesting as anger.