Trials & Tribulations

Chapter 31."I just...I want..."

"Camz?" Lauren prompted after a moment when Camila still hadn't responded, her girlfriend's eyes looking down at her hands which she'd lowered into her lap between them. "Camila?" she pushed, lifting Camila's chin with her hands and forcing her to finally meet her questioning gaze. Camila's chest was still heaving, her breaths sharp and ragged as she tried to fill her lungs with oxygen.

"How drunk are you?" Camila asked her after a moment, her breath slowing.

"I'm not drunk," Lauren slurred slightly.

"Lauren?" Camila protested, hearing the unclear words as they left her mouth.

"Ok, so I might be a little bit drunk," Lauren conceded, holding up her hand and making a gesture with her thumb and index finger to demonstrate the measure. "That doesn't change anything though," she said indistinctly, reaching for Camila's hand and taking it within her own, missing slightly on the first attempt, her perception poor. "I've wanted to be with you for a while now Camz," she admitted. "It's not because I've been drinking, I promise..."

"That's not the problem," Camila told her, rubbing the back of Lauren's hand with her thumb. "I don't doubt your intentions or your motives. I really, really want to be with you too," Camila told her genuinely, and the dopey smile on Lauren's face grew in reaction to the words. "I just, ok...so please don't hate me..." Camila said dropping her gaze.

"I could never hate you Camz," Lauren told her seriously, reaching up her free hand to brush the side of Camila's cheek reassuringly. Camila lifted her eyes to meet her girlfriends again as she continued.

"I don't want our first time to be like this," Camila shared with her honestly as she gestured between them with her right hand. "Don't get me wrong, I love you and I want to be with you but..."

"You want it to be special." Lauren finished for her understanding.

"I want you to remember it tomorrow," Camila clarified.

"I don't think I'll ever forget a moment that I'm with you Camz," Lauren said earnestly, the sincerity in her voice ringing loudly in the silence between them.

"You know what I mean," Camila laughed lightly after a moment. "Stop trying to be so cute when I'm trying to be honest with you." She scolded playfully.

"Ok," Lauren promised and Camila continued.

"I love you," Camila reiterated again, playing with a strand of Lauren's hair in her right hand. "You know that I do," she added dropping her gaze to her girlfriend's lips "but recently, things have started to...progress in our relationship." she carried on after a slight pause to consider her wording, lifting her eyes to meet the emerald green pair once again.

"It's too much for you." Lauren interceded before Camila could finish, watching her girlfriend
closely trying to understand. "Everything is moving too fast, I know, I'm sorry...you should have said something." She told Camila, misunderstanding.

"No," Camila replied placing a hand on Lauren's shoulder in order to stop her wayward thoughts. "They're not," she told her emphasizing the point. "That's what I'm trying to tell you Lauren." Camila continued simply. "I want to be with you like that," Camila shared with her blushing slightly. "I do... just when you're sober."

"You do?" Lauren questioned smiling, desperate for further affirmation.

"Yes," Camila said leaning forward to kiss Lauren on the lips, forcing her girlfriend back against the bed as her bodyweight sank into her. She separated from her slowly, keeping their faces close and brushing Lauren's cheek with her thumb as she did so. "I do."