Trials & Tribulations

Chapter 21. "Promise me something?"

Lauren stood paralyzed, her mind in turmoil, unsure what she should do for the best. Her head was telling her to go home, to give Camila some space to get through the challenge which
awaited her inside that building. Glancing on the face of the person who almost killed you, either knowingly or not, was going to be hard enough for Camila without Lauren complicating things even further with her now, obviously unwanted presence.

However, Lauren's heart was contradicting her head fiercely, compelling her to chase after Camila, to stop her from walking away from her, and more importantly them. Lauren's heart
throbbed so painfully in her chest that she imagined it being pulled forcefully against her chest wall with every step away from her that Camila took. As Lauren hesitated, her head battling with
her heart indecisively, Camila disappeared inside the building and Lauren felt an ache unlike anything else she'd ever experienced before in her life. She felt her chest heave, air expelling from her lungs in hard sobs as she cried openly and unabashedly in the parking lot where she stayed, silently gaping at the electronic doors, praying that at any moment Camila would reappear.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of waiting, Lauren realized that she wouldn't. Now that Camila had vanished out of sight, Lauren's mind finally conquered her failing heart and she slowly made her way back towards her car, climbing into the drivers' seat solemnly and slamming the door closed behind her in frustration. All she could think about whilst she sat there, her head resting listlessly against the window, was how this was her fault and the self-contempt she felt in that moment far exceeded any hatred that she felt towards Rachel. Yes, her exgirlfriend was vindictive and malicious but it had been her finger that had pulled the trigger that may have ultimately ended her relationship with Camila. Rachel may have been the one to plant doubts in her mind about Camila's feelings but Lauren had been the one to let them take root and fester, growing exponentially and indiscriminately like the cells of a malignant tumor until they completely consumed her.

Camila herself had not given Lauren one single reason to distrust her feelings. In fact, her actions over the last twenty-four hours alone should have been enough to convince Lauren that she was being ridiculous and asinine for even giving Rachel's comments a moment's consideration. Lauren was angry with Rachel for making her question Camila's feelings and her commitment to their relationship but, more than anything, Lauren was livid with herself. She allowed Rachel to get under her skin, to taint everything special that she and Camila shared, twisting it around in Lauren's head until she'd become irrational and self-destructive. Rachel had gotten exactly what she'd wanted with very little effort and Lauren had allowed it to happen, playing right into her ex-girlfriend's hands without even a second thought. Lauren cursed herself mentally for being such an idiot, lifting her head from its position against the window and turning her key in the ignition, firing the engine into life noisily.

Lauren debated staying in her car and waiting in the parking lot for Camila to come back out, but, she thought better of it when she remembered the withdrawn and unresponsive form that she'd found yesterday afternoon when she'd gone to Camila's house after school. She decided that, no matter what they were going through right now, Camila didn't need the extra complication, not when she was already dealing with so much.

So, Lauren slowly put her car in reverse and pulled out of her parking space, exiting the lot and making her way along the road beyond, driving with no particular destination in mind, aimlessly and reflectively as she considered everything that had transpired in the last few hours. She couldn't have told you how long she drove for, or which streets she had passed on her seemingly arbitrary journey, but, Lauren would always remember where she'd ended up, parked at the beach, in the same spot as she had the evening of her first date with Camila.