little miss perfect ; hermoine granger

chapter 19

I grabbed her hand, and practically begged her to stay. But I didn't care if I looked pathetic, or stupid. I needed someone. I needed her. I feel more alone right now then I've felt this entire year, and for some reason, Hermoine always made me feel like the most popular girl in the room. I looked into her eyes, and before she even said anything, I knew she'd stay.

"Alright, don't worry, I'm here. I won't go anywhere." She told me, and sat back down in the chair next to me. We changed the grasp of our hands from me clinging onto hers, to her holding mine, rubbing her thumb along my knuckles. Honestly, I didn't really know what to say. I saw a tear stream down her face, and was confused. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked her. "I'm alright, it's just- I was really worried about you, Ana. And when you got hurt, and we were waiting in the common room to hear about you...well that was the worst I've ever felt in almost my entire life." She answered, with a solemn tone in her voice. "I-I'm sorr-" I started to say, but she interrupted me.

"Why are you apologizing? Don't do that, none of this is your fault. How could it be? I mean you can't control the deranged things other people do." I mean, she was right. Why was I even apologizing? I do that a lot, for things that aren't my fault. My mother kind of raised me that way. "I-I think there's something I need to tell you. Honestly, it's something that I don't even understand, and I know almost everything." She said, and it made us both let out a small laugh. "What is it?" I asked her. She gave me a nervous smile, and then started to speak.

"I know I already said this, but, when you we were waiting in the common room, waiting, I had never felt anything like that before. I thought that you had-well, you know. And it felt like my entire world was going to fall apart. You know, since the beginning of the term, I've felt, I don't know, different, about you. Like something had changed from all the years before." She paused, giving me a little closed mouth smile. She let go of my hand, and started to fiddle with her fingers. I looked at her intently, waiting for her to go on.

"I didn't know what it was, at first. For some reason, I kind of get nervous around you sometimes, and I don't know why, because we've known each other for years, and I've never felt that way before. At first, I thought that we were growing apart, and that was why I felt that way. But then, I realized that I didn't want to grow apart. I wanted to be close to you, always. It makes me really happy, being around you. Honestly, I get kind of...sad, when you're not around. And now, after feeling the way I felt in the common room, I think I might have realized why I feel this way." She paused again. I think I know what she's about to say, and if it's what I think, I kind of feel the same way.

"I think I like you, Ana. And not just as friends. I don't really know what else yet, because up until today, I thought I liked boys." She let out a nervous laugh, before continuing. "I don't really know what I am anymore, so, um, I think I need some time to figure that out." Oh my god. Hermoine Granger likes me. Like, likes me likes me. Honestly, I never thought that this would happen. I'm happy, though. Really happy. "Hermoine, I-" I started to say, but was cut off by Madame Pomfrey entering the room. "Sorry I took so long, dear, I- Ms. Granger, what are you doing in here? Mr. Malfoy was her only and LAST visitor of the day." She said sternly, sort of glaring at Hermoine. Of course she had to come in now. Right when I was about to tell her that I liked her too. Great.

"I, um, I was just leaving. I'm glad you're okay, Ana." She gave me another smile, squeezed my hand, and left the infirmary. "Now that she's gone, you need your rest. Professor Dumbledore said he needed to talk to you, but I obviously said that you're in no condition to be questioned right now. So close your eyes, get some sleep." She told me. "Okay." I said back. I could've been nicer, I guess, but she ruined our moment, so I kind of had the right to be mad. I turned on my side, away from her, and stared out the window. 

I wonder how differently that could've gone if she hadn't walked in. Maybe we could've even tried to become something...more, I guess, than what we are now. I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine Hermoine back in the room, telling me how much she liked me again, as I fell asleep.