Give the Heart a Break

Break 1

• The crimson, red. So beautiful, so wonderful and yet, so scary •

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I was in my room, laying on the bed as usual. The books on my table were read all twice or more. And, right now, I was bored out of my wits.

I sat up straight as I saw a small sparrow coming to sit by my window sill and that gave me an idea.

I haven't done it in ages, so I hope I don't get rusty at it.

I went to my table and grabbed my drawing book and pencils.

The number of sparrows had increased on my window sill and I began by drawing curved lines of the stomach of the small bird; then the round head and then the two almost straight feet with small claws. The round black eyes and the sharp peck.

I was too focused with it, that nothing else made sense to me.

I drew it's few companions too and then the straight window sill.

I turned the complete sketch towards it and asked in a soft voice, “Do you like it?”.

The sparrow hopped closer taking  the sketch in as if inspecting it and let out a cry, as if, of approval.

I smiled and there was this bubble of happiness within me that I couldn't get rid off.

It was until the one man I had been dreading to face barged into my room.

“Again fooling around, are we?”, he yelled at me. He — whose name should not be called out; he — who goes by the name of my father.

“I was just... Taking a break, father”, I stuttered.

“A break? What are you talking about? Have you looked at your syllabus? I hope you aren't fooling around like the other kids in the neighborhood are. Practically, this is the time you should think about how to be on the top list”, he yelled again and I cowered back in defeat.

“I don't even know you anymore, Lisa”, he continued pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I am sorry, father. I won't make this mistake again”, I answered looking down at my feet.

“I am taking this away”, he shot me a glare before taking off.

I locked the door behind me and fell on the bed.

I am tired of being scared all the time.

But, then again, what else would I do?

If I fell down and ever died of my own will, I am sure he would hide the fact that I decided to die and plot it as an accident, so no one points a finger at him.

I gulp down the lump growing in my throat and slap myself again and again so I don't cry.

But, this excruciating pain in my heart wouldn't just go away and the lump would increase in size.

I tried to explain myself that whatever limitations he was setting, was for my betterment. But, it won't work.

I walk to my closet and retrieve my knight in shining armor. No one really comes into my room in my absence. I am not that close to anyone. If anything I am at the far end of doubts so, no one really seems to notice it.