Give the Heart a Break

Break 4

• It's all so beautiful, just not meant for me •

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That day, I was too tired to take in my father, mother or anyone for that matter.

I walked in stealthily and walked straight into my room, without having to acknowledge anyone.

So far, so good.

I locked the door behind me and made my way to the washroom. The blood from today morning still litters the floor and I am glad nobody noticed it.

Don't get me wrong. I don't cut often. It's just when I am frustrated, afraid, sad or even angry. And it happens mostly when I talk with my father.

He is a really gentle and caring father. I understand that he is doing what he is doing just for us. And, I don't even have a reason to be sad. I have everything I need. Sometimes I feel like I am over exaggerating and I am just mocking people with real depression without knowing.

As much of a bad guy it makes me look like, I can't seem to stop this habit.

I strip down of my clothes and look at my bloated belly. I seem to have grown weight.

Another reason as to why one wouldn't want to even sit beside me.

I turn on the shower and let the warm water get through my pores.

It aches at parts and my hand itches to scrub at those parts but I refrain myself from doing so.

After a few minutes, I get out of my bathroom to the bedroom and get into a pair of white pajamas.

My eyes are drooping down and I need to sleep badly. But instead, I walk down to the kitchen and make myself a cup of coffee.

After making sure that I have no traces of sleep, I walk into my room and turn on my laptop. I have to submit the first part of my assignment tomorrow and I need to check it once and edit it to perfection.

“Why are you always trying to be a good girl?!”, a whiny voice comes from the door and I look up at my sister, Amyra.

“Umm, I just have to submit an assignment tomorrow so I was preparing for it”, I explained focusing back.

The laptop shut close in front of me and I looked up in surprise.

“When we were your age, we didn't even stay at the house”, Dev rolled his eyes.

“What do you mean by 'being my age'? You guys are just two years older than me.”, I groaned and tried to open my laptop back.

But Dev pressed on.

“Okay. What do you guys want?”, I asked finally giving up.

“Nothing much. There is this mixture party tonight. We want you to come along”, Dev grinned.

“No. No. No. Not happening!”, I raised my arms in surrender.

“Oh c'mon. It's gonna be fun.”, Amyra pressed on.

“I said no means no. That's it”, I said and opened my laptop back furiously typing.