Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

With Your Head On My Shoulder

(Song- Driving Through The Rain - Andrew McMahon and the Wilderness)

(TW: Panic attack)

(December 4th)

Nothing was okay. Alex was at therapy alone, and that part was fine, it was just that he wouldn't be coming immediately home to tell Jack about it.
He was going home to meet Rian. He loved Rian, but god he needed Jack so badly.
Jack was with Zack, and he was hating it as well. Not in that sense, he did love hanging out with Zack. He just missed Alex. He needed Alex around, at least in his general vicinity.
These new rules were not okay.

(December 5th)

Jack's first therapy session was terrifying. He did ask his mom if Alex could please come along to this one. It was his very first one and he needed his biggest supporter with him.
Joyce and Isobel agreed.
Alex sat in the waiting room.

"Hi Jack, it's been a while." Dr. Ellis said with a soft smile, "You've grown up!"
Jack smiled a little, "Yeah...I have." He said quietly, staring at his lap.
"Five years is good though, how have you been?" She asked, sitting down across from him.
Jack shook his head, "Not good..." He told her the entire spiel between himself and Alex, the attachment between them, their entire relationship, and how they both knew that this attachment was unhealthy, but they didn't want to stop.
"It sounds like you're really latched onto him." She said quietly.
Jack nodded, "Too much." He sniffled a little.
"What do you mean when you say too much?" She was scratching away on her paper.
Jack sighed, "I just mean that to everyone else it's too much, but for me it isn't enough and I don't understand why it's so wrong to be with him all the time. He went through so much. I went through so much. My problem is that I wasn't open with him about it when I knew that I should've been. I know that. That's on me. It's not like I'm not afraid to talk about it...I'm just...I'm afraid to send him down that dark road again...I can't see him start hallucinating and hearing voices...Threatening to hurt himself...To kill himself...Acting on it and winding up in the hospital nearly dead just because I wasn't physically there..." He was crying now. He reached up and wiped his eyes, "I just need to be near him." 
Dr. Ellis scratched away, "It sounds like you both have big reasons for being so attached. Yours is because of your trauma, his is because of his. I can see that you two find a big comfort in each other. I don't think you need to stop staying with each other though. I think you need to just find comfort in leaving each other. I think that separation here and there will give you two some clarification and a chance to breathe. The anticipation of seeing each other again after a long day of taking care of your own selves will feel rewarding. However, we aren't here to talk about you and Alex though. Not deeply at least. I think for the time being, you need to do what your mothers are asking you to do. I think it's beneficial." She offered a small smile.

"Onto you now, Jack. What's been going on?" She asked.
Jack bit his lip, "I've been dreaming of it happening again, and again, and again. Alex's daughter calls me dada and I'm just....I love her so much, I love her so much that it hurts and I'm terrified. We take her out, and I'm terrified of anyone looking at her. I go to the store myself, and I'm constantly watching the kids and women who are alone. I always keep an eye out for anyone who looks sketchy. At work, I lag on my work sometimes because I'm too busy watching. 
I used to be able to watch things or read things that involved any sort of child molestation, assault and all that...It never bothered me too much until now and I don't know why..." He wiped his eyes.
"I think I've been repressing it so much for Alex's sake...I was terrified. I am terrified." 
Dr, Ellis nodded, "Repressing it isn't good, but Jack it happens. It's hard to talk about yourself when you're constantly worrying about another person." 
"It's my fault. Alex would've listened. Even at his worst, he gives a fuck about me more than anyone else. He knows about this. He held me all night while I talked to him about it...He has never once put me last...Not if he could help it. I just want him...My mom doesn't even care like Alex does...She loves me but she doesn't get it....I need him....Oh god I need him...." His heart was starting to race. He needed Alex right now. 
"I need him right now...I need him...Please." His eyes were wide with panic. He hadn't felt this in so long. Now he'd felt it twice in the span of two days.
"My chest hurts, please...Please." He pleaded.
Dr. Ellis nodded and walked out of the room, it was too soon to try to force Jack to calm down on his own, not when his last panic attack was so fresh. She'd always been gentle with Jack, she knew just how to talk to him, and knew just how to help him. Slowly and gently.
"Alex? Can you come in please? Jack needs you." She said with a welcoming, small smile.
Alex raised his eyebrow, but got up and followed her.

The sight he was greeted with was heartbreaking.
Jack had his knees pulled to his chest, shaking hard and struggling to breathe. He wasn't hyperventilating, he was gasping for air, like one does when they've been saved from drowning.
"Jack..." Alex said gently, sitting down next to him. He put an arm around him, not wanting to freak him out. He knew that people had to be gentle with him during a panic attack, so he knew to be gentle with others.
Jack turned to Alex immediately, essentially climbing onto his lap. He buried his face in Alex's neck, clutched his shirt until his knuckles were white and tried to catch his breath. He was trembling like a scared dog.
Alex wrapped both of his arms tightly around the raven haired boy, rubbing his back. He couldn't handle Jack's panic attack the other day, but he was going to do better now.
"I'm right here, Jack...I love you and I'm right here. You're safe. I have you and you're safe." He whispered. 
"Sing" Jack asked quietly.
Alex nodded, "Okay love." He held Jack a little tighter, looking down at Jack's white knuckles clutching onto his shirt. He felt like Jack could rip his shirt open if he tried hard enough. 
He started singing Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin quietly. His eyes closed, rubbing circles against Jack's back slowly. He felt Jack's hand relax, so he opened his eyes to look. 
He caught Dr. Ellis watching them, but he ignored that. Her opinion didn't matter right in this very moment. It would matter later once Jack calmed down.
"Again." Jack whispered, his breath shaky. Alex felt a warm wetness down his neck. 
"Okay." He whispered back and sang Driving Through A Dream by Andrew McMahon and The Wilderness. Anything that man did made Jack happy. He sang quietly, just for Jack.

'Straighter than the flat line freeway