Harringrove Ao3 Favorites Part 2

A Break-Up

Triggers/Warnings: N/A

Author: flippyspoon

Author's Summary: Steve doesn't know what love looks like. Billy writes an overly perceptive love letter. Because I said so!

Note: Don't be fooled my the title. This one is adorable!

"I can't do this anymore."

They'd just eaten burgers at The Dairy Queen and suddenly Steve was saying these words.

Billy blinked at him and took a drag and said, "What?"

Billy didn't even catch his meaning the first time because the words didn't make any sense.

"I...I can't...do this anymore," Steve said. "Us. You and me. I can't do it."

Billy thought later it was like somebody hitting him over the head with a block of wood which was not unlike what seeing Steve for the first time had felt like.

"What...what are you talking about?" Billy said. It was weird how calm he sounded, he thought.

"It's not because you're a guy or anything like that. It's... You don't love me," Steve said simply. "It's not your fault. You never said you did and I shouldn't...expect you to suddenly start."

Billy couldn't think enough to formulate something coherent to say. His emotions had a tendency to override coherent thought sometimes and now he was short of breath, his blood seeming to run cold. His hands stung, which was just fucking weird. Why would his hands sting?

Of course he'd thought a million times that he loved Steve. It took all his strength to concentrate on other shit sometimes when the very thought of Steve pulsed in his head when they were apart. He couldn't remember now if he'd ever said it or not. But he'd shown himself to Steve which he thought was the same fucking thing after all. He told Steve everything, all the shit he thought he could never even talk about he'd said to Steve while in his arms. How how how could Steve...?

Steve kept talking.

"Look, I don't know. Maybe I'm just doomed to love people when they don't love me, but I can't fucking do this again-"

"Why? Why do you think I don't?"

"You don't say it," Steve said, smiling sadly as if that was it. That was the final answer. "If you did, you'd say it. If you loved me just a little bit, or just...enough-"

Enough?

"Steve..." Billy took a breath and he felt his stomach plummeting at great speed to the ground as he said, "I....I do...love you." It came out garbled, as if he were being strangled. He cleared his throat and tried again. His eyes were filling with tears so he couldn't see, Steve a blur beside him. "I do love you." The words felt to light then as if carried away by the wind.

"I...don't believe you," Steve said. He even sounded like maybe he wanted to believe Billy and couldn't and none of it made sense. "It doesn't sound right."

Billy blinked and it made a tear slide down his cheek. If he'd been thinking clearly he might have realized that this was just about Steve being insecure and not knowing what this kind of love actually looked like but he couldn't think clearly at all because his greatest fear was coming true and Billy was trying to fix it and it still wasn't working.

"Steve. Wait-"

"I'm going out of town in the morning," Steve said. "Just a couple days. This thing at my dad's alma mater. It's dumb. I thought...it would be good if we, ya know, put a few days between us. To...I dunno." Billy saw Steve wipe his eyes and it made him angry. Steve was the one doing this, he shouldn't get to cry. "I gotta go."