The Light in the Dark [ENGLISCH/GB]

5

What just happened here? Kakashi pressed him firmly but gently against the wall and Iruka's thoughts raced. What was going on here? Could this really happen or was this another one of his little secret dreams?

But those lips, those tingling sensations... All of that felt much too real and so it happened that he returned the kiss with a little hesitation. His whole body was tingling and he got the feeling of weightlessness as if he was floating. Iruka put his arms around Kakashi's neck and simply nestled himself against the Rokudaime. That was all he could do at that moment.

After a while he loosened up completely out of breath and looked into Kakashi's eyes, who had pulled the mask back up again quickly after the kiss and was now completely out of breath himself, but Iruka could see a slight glint in the grey-haired man's eyes. And so they both stood there in silence for a moment before the teacher broke away and wanted to go up the stairs as Kakashi embraced him from behind and put his head on his shoulder. "I wouldn't do you any good," he said quietly, hiding his face in the crook of Iruka's neck. The latter, however, smiled, raised his hand and flicked once through the grey hair, which was incredibly soft and he was sure he would never get enough of it. "Let me worry about that." he breathed and struggled with the rising burning in his eyes. Why? Why did Kakashi have to kiss him and now say something like that? Until just now, he had actually been perfectly happy with his decision not to really let anyone into his heart. But he felt how Kakashi hesitated, but finally released himself. "Maybe...in another life..." he breathed and Iruka could feel how hard it was for him to say the words.

"And what about now? Why do you deny yourself happiness," he breathed and Kakashi sighed, "Because everyone who was closer to me has died..." he whispered and when Iruka tried to turn around, he felt the Rokudaime disappear.

Now he was alone that night, with the memory of a wonderful kiss...His first kiss...Yet this memory also hurt, because now he had something he wanted but could never have. At least when it came to Kakashi.

Fighting with tears Iruka entered his flat and closed the door behind him, as you would expect, he was now alone. He still had Kakashi's scent in his nose and the feeling of being able to feel him...But now no one could see him and tears broke out of him.

-*-

As wonderful as the kiss had been, he just couldn't let Iruka get any closer. That would mean he had to open up and reveal who he really was. The brown-haired Chu-Nin, who had been obsessed with his thoughts for quite some time, would never be able to cope with that. There was a lot of blood on Kakashi's hands and he wasn't proud of it at all, and on top of that he had nightmares, which is why he slept very little. Even though he knew that Obito had forgiven him for what had happened to Rin and even though he knew that his two friends were resting in peace together. He just couldn't let himself go, it would get much too complicated. Kakashi watched from a tree as Iruka walked close to desperation into his flat and he heard this crying, even if he wanted to, he just couldn't.

He had allowed himself that one moment of weakness to feel those more than honey-sweet lips and to know that Iruka's heart really belonged to him.

Tears came to his eyes as well and he didn't know this from himself, so he slowly made his way home and let himself fall into bed. Kakashi sighed softly, wiped away his tears and simply fell soundly asleep.

  -*-

 The next day Iruka felt exhausted, he had been crying most of the night and so the next morning he needed a little more than coffee to wake up and be ready for class. As usual he was the first in the academy, prepared everything and stood with his cup of thought lost at the window of the teachers' room, looked outside and was still thinking about that kiss from last night. Why was it so complicated about love?

His gaze glided down to where he saw Naruto laughing, holding hands with Hinata, walking along and waving to him. Of course he waved back and smiled. Even this blonde stubborn blonde got the job done with love... So why not him? Why did he have to fall in love with Kakashi of all people?

Sighing, he emptied the cup, closed the window and with a smile he greeted the other teachers who slowly trundled in. Anko was there too, she saw that it wasn't true at all and so she pulled him aside. "I saw you yesterday with Genma, what happened?" They were best friends and Iruka was glad that she was back as a teacher as of today. Until yesterday morning she must have had a mission and so he just took her in his arms. "No all is well. Genma drank too much and finally Kakashi showed up. An Anbu brought Gen home and Kakashi brought me." He said that so no one would notice. Anko sighed softly and stroked Iruka's back. "The night was really romantic... so... I suppose..." Iruka sighed and nodded.

"We kissed and afterwards he told me he was no good for me and that we might be happy in another life. Immediately Anko looked at him in horror, shook his head and seemed to think about it.

"You know..surely Genma is a daredevil but I think he means better with you than our dear Hokage. She said and stroked Iruka's cheek like a big sister. "But I don't love him... I thought until yesterday that I didn't love anyone... And then there was this full moon night... this attraction... Oh I just have to call it a one time thing and try to live with the fact that I'll be alone forever. He decided, kissed her on the cheek before he finally went back to work.

That was the right attitude: not to let it get you down and just make the best of it. Iruka would close his heart again...If Kakashi didn't want him, so it was. But another man would probably be out of the question for him after that incredibly romantic first kiss...