Blast to the Past

3

"Stop that." Shikamaru hissed.

"No." Naruto said defiantly.

"It's making me uncomfortable."

"Gee, I wonder why." Naruto gestured to the jar of sharingan and shook it slightly, the eyeballs bobbing up and down inside the fluid.

Orochimaru continued to pluck them eyeballs from Danzo's corpse.

"Damn. He's crusty." Tsunade gagged over the former councilman's corpse.

Orochimaru nodded. "His sharingan fetish gives me the creeps."

Naruto deadpanned.

Shikamaru deadpanned.

Tsunade deadpanned.

Obama deadpanned.

"What?"

"It's just... well," Naruto tried to grasp the proper words.

Orochimaru flipped his hair because he identified as a man today.

"I did not simp for the sharingan. I admired it." He protested, "Just because I admired it doesn't mean I wanted it implanted all over my beautiful body. That's just obsessive."

"Is that body even yours?"

"Oh hush you."

-

Zabuza gave Haku a thumbs up.

"Say cheese!"

"Cheese."

FLASH!

Dying really puts things into perspective.

Life is too short to waste.

"Mission complete." Haku smiled at the photo of Zabuza with the Hokage mountain in the background.

"C'mon Haku. We still need to see Ichiraku's."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Could you get out of the way? You're blocking the entire road."

Tch.

Tourists.

"Sorry." Zabuza said without a shred of remorse.

"Have you seen your teammate Naruto recently?" Haku asked the brooding Uchiha.

"Hn."

"I see," Haku nodded, "so he's somehow been kidnapped by two of the three Sannin including the rogue nin Orochimaru, the drunk medic Tsunade and Shikamaru of the Nara clan."

Sasuke's eyes widened.

How could he understand him!?

"Hn(!!??)"

Haku only smiled serenely.

-

"Strategically speaking we should—-!"

"No."

"I didn't—-!"

"No."

"Will you let me finish—-?!"

"No."

"You love ramen."

"N—-yes." Naruto stumbled on his tongue.

"Finally." Shikamaru said, clearly annoyed. "Look, Naruto, I know you want to kidnap Gaara but that's a terrible idea. Gaara isn't... he isn't Gaara right now. He's a murderous—-!"

"You're just saying that because you banged his sister."

Tsunade gasped.

Orochimaru gasped.