prince phillip x reader

chapter 4: the parade

TW!! - ant and dec.

i snuggled into phillips chest while he sat stiffly with his arms at his side, my head resting on his chest as i listened to his weak slow hearbeat, the past couple of months had been a roller coaster of events and we were hiding out in phillips woodland pixie cottage from the authorities after the suspected terrorost attack of the morrisey concert.
we had been living here for a few months now and life was comfortable and sweet, i had to squat as i walked everywhere since the ceilings were so low but i didn't mind since i was with phillip, i stood at the sink washing our paper plates from the lemon slices we had just eaten staring at phillip who was sitting rigged on the swinging chair, a wasp walking along his cloudy eyeball as i stared open mouthed un moving into the sky. he was so cute.
i crawled down the hallway agressively and licked a maggot off the floor before joining phillip on the chair, the rope snapped and we both fell onto the ground.
" do you like the view" i asked while showing him my bald spot, phillip didn't answer so i stormed inside angrily and did some ironing in my pits of rage.

as i was putting deodorant on a police car pulled up outside and i began to panick in shock grabbing my michel buble album and hiding behind the lampshade.
i heard the phillip putting up a fight outside and police began to invade the house, they walked past me not seeing me at all and i let out a sigh of relief as they left. that was until the thatched roof blew away in a gust of wind snd the police saw me from the trees they were hiding in and i knew it was phillips fault for feeding thatcherjoegames to his minecraft cave spider.

i sat in the police tandom bike with my safety helmet on watching the scenery. i was missing the cottage but at least i had my michael buble album. i looked next to me at phillip. he was napping amazingly.

when we got to the cell me and phillip sat in silence until my anger boiled out and i ripped his left knuckle off,
"sorry" i immediately apologised as he didn't respond to me.
i sat down again jigging my leg nervously until phillip leaned on my shoulder and i bit him on the scalp and got up to get a drink. just as i was about to have my drink the ghost of morrissey appeared and yelled at me in german but i ignored him because i can't speak german obviously.
i walked back over to phillip but i was so angry at him that i threw my water over him making him sit up in fear
"my pulse stopped" he admitted but i just poked him in the right atrium in his heart and walked away. i felt bad when i heard him start crying behind me and i turned around slowly.
"i like sam smith" he admitted and i was so furious i skinned him alive and moonwalked out of the cell towards the exit.
as i was at the door morrissey ghost threw a slab of flapjack at me and before i could hit him i heard the faint noise of aiden ghallager nibbling on metal upstairs so i walked up there to visit him.
i walked over to his cell and grabbed him by the green jacket agressively as he began to wee himself
"hooe ba mm f" he whispered before a sharp pain spread through my left calf. i turned around slowly and saw zoelle standing there covered in blood wearing nalas skin as a hat. she went to attack me again but i pushed her knees in and her body caved in on itself and she wiggled on the floor like a pathetic slug and i put a swift kick to her head. i walked away once more as aiden ghallager ate her flesh.

i left the prison and saw a pride parade going on outside and decided it would he nice to treat myself. vibrant flags of every colour were being wafted in the air proudly and everyone alike wore bright confident clothes, the sewuins and glitter shining perfectly in the moonlight. i bought myself a ticket and joined in the festival laughing and basking in the happy ambiance until a loud scream erupted from the centre of a drag queen truck. a loud gunshot echoed across the crowd and millie bobbie brown flew over the festival her ak47 had the straight pride flag painted into it. she began shooting down the audience as everyone attempted to scatter and run until a couple of ropes began attempting to pull her down and hook into her nazi ankles. they managed to pull her down and threw a grenade into her bellybutton. the people who pulled her down cheered triumphantly as millie guts exploded everywhere decorating everyone in a slime of red intestines. stood on the top of a truck stood ant and dec who scooped millie guts off of their faces and began making out violently while philip scofield clenched his asshole next to a tree. i panted hard after running from millie and began storming back to the police station when adam sandier threw a handful of shit at me. i was already having a bad day so i literally just grabbed his dick and tore it from his body throwing it into the festival and watching it expolode and everyone got blown into the air.

"AH" adam saddler screamed calmly while signing my autograph. i took the paper and gave him a paper cut ok his shoe before walking back into mine and phillips cell, he was staring at the wall trying to sew his skin back on with my old wing necklace.
he heard me enter and smiled at me warmly as i ran over to him apologising to him profusely,
"my asshole burns" i whispered, before shitting himself and collapsing. i got my phone out and called pope francis, he picked up after the second ring but hung up when he realised it was me. i stared at phillip who was still shitting as i lay motionless and i jusy watxhed him in amusement. i leaned down and sliced a mole off his back with my craft knife and began moulding it into a anklet.