Build me a Daddy

Chapter Nine- Internal Confessions & Struggles

~~Pepper's point of view~~

I took today off. It has been a week since Fawn went to the doctor. I have to talk to Luka. I have been dreading it. Fawn was too nervous too and was afraid he would flip out on her. I get it. They are closer than some biological brothers and sisters. She insisted I tell him. She has been over there the last week and hasn't mentioned it.

I am thankful Sebastian let me have a Friday off. It is a three-day weekend. I slept in; Fawn knew I was staying home. She decided to stay home today. I am ok with that. She needs to stay at home as much as possible. That means I get to talk to Luka alone because Phoenix stayed the night with them. She wanted him too.

I will never tell her no. They have a connection like no other as well. I see that happening a lot. It will be lonely for me, but I will get used to it. I get up and shower. It has been a long time since I slept past ten am. When I woke up, it was ten-thirty. I get to make something to eat and procrastinate going across the street.

I have been procrastinating because the morning after the wedding when I found him asleep on the couch with Phoenix, I had thoughts. Naughty thoughts. I have tried to push them aside. All I can think about, though, is him pushing himself into me while I scream his name. I am afraid if I am close to him, I will say something I may regret.

I meant it when I said I am not good enough for any man. I'm not; I have never been; I was lucky to have Tim. We saw how that turned out. Now I am broken in more ways than one with a child. Technically two. I have issues. Issues I can't take into a relationship of any kind. Physical or emotional would be a breaking point. I would ruin them.

I am damaged goods; I know this. I also know that men like Luka don't want someone like me. He could have any woman he wants. Why would he want someone like me? I am not even talking about my weight; he has seen me at my lowest points; he has been through enough. He doesn't need a broken girl knocking on his door.

Not in that way anyway. As I make my way across the street, I see him under a car. I hate to bother him when he is working, but I have to do it. I stand and watch him. My center immediately goes damp. It's been a while since I responded to any man like this. Not even Sebastian made me feel like this. I push it aside.

Pepper: "Luka..."

He looks up from the car he was working on and smiles. Damn, why did he have to smile? Ugghhh.

Luka: "What's up?"

Pepper: "I need to talk to you."

Luka: "Ok. I am almost finished. Do you mind giving me just a few minutes?"

Pepper: "Not at all."

I watch him finish up. I understand why Phoenix is so fascinated with him. My fascination is so much different. Stop it, Pepper. You are here to talk about Fawn. Not your lack of self-control. I do let my eyes roam his body. Fawn's words were correct; he is sexy.

STOP IT!!

I turn and look towards my house. It's better than watching him. I should have gone home and had him text me when he was done. Nope, I had to stay here like an idiot and wait. I should go check my mail. If I walk over there, I will not come back. I will not be able to control my mouth. I feel hands on my waist, then breath by my ear. I freeze.

Luka: "You didn't have to turn around. I enjoyed your eyes on me."

I step away and turn around.

Pepper: "We need to talk about Fawn."

Luka: "Is she ok?"