Kankers on Scooby-Doo

A Quad too Far

"If I have to hear anyone telling me to go back one more time..." Lee says, having received the same warning to no end the whole way, by the same old-timey war general.

"Why if that guy was here right now-"

"If I have to hear this dog talk about letting creatures at him..." Marie says, feeling just as annoyed.

"If I could just get one message from Big Ed." May says, as the other two roll their eyes.

"Can it you ham, what we need is a ring from Double D, that big brain of his would make a heck of a route guidance system." Marie says.

"Or you could just stop griping and look at the map."

"Oh yeah, a map to a place we didn't know about until last week, said to have not been claimed in years and just so happens to be far way from claimed territories in northern Alberta!"

"Look, just keep an eye out for anything that resembles an old-fashioned house, wedged by some trees, has an oddly eerie look and-"

"Uh is that it?" May says, stopping Lee. The three look ahead and see an old-fashioned house, true to Lee's hypothetical description.

"Yikes... certainly a far-cry from a 60s Airstream." Marie says.

The girls stop and slowly move toward the house, trying to avoid-

"Puppy power!", Crappy screams, causing the girls to fall into a pile of mud.

May and Lee get up, while Marie growls at the annoying mutt. She screams and charges toward Crappy, as her sisters hold her back.

"Let me at him! Let me at him!"

"That's the spirit my friend!" Crappy says. He charges toward the front door, only to immediately stop and gently open the door. "Easy gang, no telling what spooks-"

The sisters just immediately barge in to look around. With how impulsive they are, you'd think they would wax over something, but the place is a little too dead for that to happen.

"Sheesh, got nothing to work with. Real vibe killer." Lee says.

"Too much to ask for a little cleaning service?" Marie says.

"Oh, we had, but that was long ago." A new voice says.

The three look around, until a hand lands on Lee's back, causing all three girls to scream. They find the hand belongs to a hunchbacked dork.

"Call me Farquad, no relation by the way. I understand you are here for the inheritance?" He says.

"Well yeah, we got some nice property, a little rundown for our tastes, and keep in mind we're trailer-park born and bred."

"I see, get a drink, a pair of glasses and a foul lexicon and you can have your own series." Farquad says.

"Girls, I'm starting to miss Big Ed." May says.

"Quit your whining, we just got here." Lee says.

"But there's so little good going on I can't help but focus on that." May says.

"Well you got me there, look Far... lane? We'd love to chat but clearly this wasn't worth it. We're gonna hop into our wagon and head home." Lee says.

"The wagon? That little pull mechanism outside?" He says.

"Yeah, what's it to ya?" Marie says.

"It's on fire." He says, bluntly.

The girls go to check on the wagon and are horrified it is.

"You do this May!? You sack brain!" Marie says.

"How could I do this!? What do I care?" May says.

"Shut it!" Lee says. "Hope you're not too attached to those shoes, looks like we're walking." Lee says.

"Walk eh? Where are you ladies from?" Farquad says.

"A little place called Peach Creek." May says.

"Never heard of it."

"South of Burnaby, east of New Westminister." Lee says.

"You girls will surely not last walking from one province to another."

"Okay, we'll call a cab." Marie says.

"There's no civilization for miles, and these aren't well trotted roads. And that applies for Ubers, Lyft, and there is also the matter of this area not having active cellphone service. It's even more dead around here than Division No. 18."

"Are you saying... we're stranded!?" Marie says, shaking Farquad in disbelief.

"Afraid so, enjoy your inheritance ladies, this will be all." He says, trailing into a laugh as he walks off."

"So, what's the bright side to this?" Lee says

"Well I don't see that dog at least." May says, speaking too soon.

"Hey girls, I think there's more to the inheritance." Crappy says, taking out a ruby ring.

"Oooh!" May says, taking it. "I bet big Ed will find me too good to miss." May says.

"Gimmie that!" Marie says, snatching it. "It looks way better on me."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Lee says. "Back off bowser!" Marie says as this devolves into a typical fight between the three.

"I suppose now is a good time to move on." Farquad says to the fourth wall.