Rediscovered

5. Autumn

Autumn couldn't believe it. She had practiced her handspring/aerial cartwheel combo for the past two hours and she still couldn't get it right. This was the only thing that was bothering her all day. Not even her brother could bother her this much. She had mastered the Tsukahara, Yurchenko, and Kip, but she just couldn't get the handspring/aerial cartwheel combination right. She assumed that it was because her timing and position for the handspring  and aerial cartwheel was so different. She felt so stupid for not being able to do a simple combination. 

"Autumn.." she heard her mom say. She could hear the clear disappointment in her voice. She heard it everyday. "Honey, it's been hours. You haven't been able to do this combination without making a mistake, not even once. I'm disappointed by you once again." Her mom sighed. Autumn felt herself drowning in stress and disappointment in herself. They had this talk everyday after gymnastics practice. It never changed. Her mother always found something wrong about Autumn every time.

"I'm sorry, mother." Autumn mumbled. She kept her head down, not wanting her mom to see tears on the brim of her eyes. "I will try my best to master this combination." Autumn said, as she felt ice shards slice her heart. 

Her mom sighed. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she spoke. "Autumn, we've has this talk before. Don't try to perfect it. Just perfect it completely. I want for you to practice it as much as needed. Don't come home until you've mastered it, ok?" she said as she grabbed her purse and walked out of the gymnasium. The metal doors made a loud clack as they slammed closed.

Autumn just stood there. This happened often but the feeling of  bitter regret and failure never changed. The air grew cold around her as she was left alone in the gymnasium. Disappointment from her parents and herself only left Autumn with doubt and low self confidence. She felt that she couldn't do anything right. She had lost track of the last time she smiled. Weeks? Months? Years maybe?

She had started gymnastics when she was eight. It was her passion and dream to be able to do gymnastics like a pro. But now, she wondered: Is this really what I wanted? The answer was always the same: Yes, you put this upon yourself. This is your path to greatness. That answer was radiated around her family. They invested so much into Autumns dream. They even bought her her own gymnasium once she had won the national tournaments. She was so happy, so excited about her own gym, but now she wished it never existed. It was like a prison to her. She wanted friends. She wanted freedom. She wanted to trade everything she had to things she didn't. Was that selfish of her? To want happiness?

Autumn sighed as she tied her platinum blond hair into a ponytail. She walked onto the beam and stood in her starting position. Breathe, she thought. Just go through the aerial cartwheel a bit faster than usual. Autumn took in a deep breath.

Go.

She sprung immediately into the handspring after running a few steps. It was perfect as always. She had practiced the handspring since she was 9. She then began to run faster. She leaped into the aerial cartwheel, spinning into the needle kick. She had spun in mid air, and was posing her foot for the finale. It was going perfect until she landed on her foot wrongly. On her ankle to be exact.

Crack.

"Ugh!!" She cried. Autumn sat on the mattress and took a look at her foot. There was no blood or visible injuries but she knew that she had sprained her ankle. Pain was radiating to every cell of her body. It hurt to move any part of her. 

Autumn felt helpless. Broken. Which you are, she thought. She wanted to leave. Escape. She wanted to give up and just lay there on the mattress. Maybe if they see me really sick, maybe they'll experience the pain that I've felt my whole life, she thought. She didn't want to continue. She just wanted to cry. And she did.