write to me

"how do you do walk along that razor-edge without falling?"

Asami-

I didn't really have any friends to have sleepovers with, so I never had any growing up. Even if I had friends I don't think my parents would've allowed it, not after the Red Lotus tried to take me. But everything that you said about sharing a bed with a girl you're friends with hit a nerve. It felt so...familiar. I shared a bed with a girl and it was really late and I was getting kind of tired anyway, so I pretended to be asleep, almost hoping she would kiss my forehead goodnight. She didn't. Instead I felt her roll over, and I opened my eyes and realized she was all the way on the other side of the bed. And I felt hurt, even though she and I are just friends. I think.

How's the new apartment? Are you all moved in yet?

-Korra

Korra,

I've had similar nights...nights spent sleeping so far away from a girl even though you're in the same bed, and the space between the two of you feels so powerful? As if it's warm and pulling you into it and you have to resist the urge. And then you wind up feeling guilty for wanting to be that close to her at all. Did you try getting closer to her when that happened, or try saying something?

I just finished moving all my stuff last night! Now I have to unpack all of it. I'm not looking forward to it. I'm sending this letter from my new address, so be sure to write back here and not to the mansion. It's still technically mine and I'll keep using it for the workshop, but this is my home now.

-Asami

Asami-

I didn't say a thing. I didn't even try to move closer. When I saw how much space there was between us my stomach sank because I realized that she'd rolled that far away from me while she was still awake, which meant she wanted to be that far away. She wanted that distance between us and I didn't want to intrude. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I thought about saying that she didn't have to be so far away but worried that would come across wrong. I just laid awake, kinda tipsy, waiting to see if she'd come closer so I could, too. She never did and eventually I fell asleep. Did you wind up moving closer to her?

-Korra

Korra,

I didn't move closer at all. But sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I did, I wonder how she would've reacted. Now that you're saying you've been in a similar position and wanted her to move closer, I'm wondering if that's what she wanted. But I'm pretty sure that at that point she was already asleep and I didn't want to make it weird or for her to wake up to me right next to her in case it freaked her out. Do you think I should've gone for it? Do you regret not doing anything?

-Asami

Asami-

I don't know that regret is the right word. I think in the moment I was doing the right thing for both of us at the time, because it's hard to just make a move on a girl when you don't even know if she's into girls, let alone into you. It's so hard to gauge. And it's really hard when you don't even fully understand your own feelings yet. At that point the possibility of being bi hadn't even crossed my mind, but the more I think of this girl, the more I begin to wonder if maybe what I feel for her has been something more than friendship for a little while now.

I wonder about what would've happened if I did say something. I think about it every day, and I wonder every day when I'll ever get the chance to make a move on her again.

-Korra

PS I think you should've made a move. You're a catch, anyone would want to be that close to you if given the chance.

Korra,

It sounds like you might still have feelings for this girl. I don't think you hope for a second chance to make a move on someone if they're just a good friend. Maybe you should tell her how you feel? Or at least make plans to see each other again so you can have another chance to make a move. I totally get how you feel though. I find myself hoping I get another chance to share a bed with her so I could stay close to her and see how she reacts. I think I would have, if she hadn't been drinking that night. As much as I wanted to it wouldn't have been right for me to take advantage of her like that. Not that I would've pulled anything more than just holding her or kissing her, but even that feels wrong when you don't know how she's really feeling and there's a chance she's only okay with it in the moment because she's not thinking clearly. Maybe next time.

-Asami

PS How recent was this night, exactly, if you didn't have any sleepovers growing up?

Asami-

I want to tell her but I'm scared of ruining our friendship. I'm scared that maybe I've read everything wrong and it's all in my head and she just sees us as really good friends. I was pretty tipsy the night this happened and I sometimes wonder if, because I wasn't fully coherent, I might've misinterpreted everything that happened. But at the same time it felt so real. We were up so late because we just wanted to spend as much time together as we could, sharing secrets, and I felt so drawn to her the whole night, almost like her skin was taunting me. She was so close and the physical act of reaching for her would have been so easy but that distance felt so deep that I couldn't possibly cross it.

Anyway. When are you gonna come visit me again? I'm back to walking normally and training. We can actually do things this time. And I miss you.

-Korra

PS This was...not that long ago.

Korra,

I think it's worth saying something. Even if just to find out to give you peace of mind. If she's really your friend she won't be gross about it. And who knows, maybe she feels the exact same way.

I'm going to ask something really scary. I've been wondering it for a little while now and I think I should just say fuck it and ask, put my money where my mouth is. Expose myself. So here goes. The night I'm talking about was pretty recent too. She and I had been drinking, so were you and her. The way we're describing it...it almost sounds like it was the same night. Is it?

-Asami

PS I miss you, too. I'd love to come visit soon.