Mr. Malfoy's second chance

Ambivalent feelings

Chapter 5 Ambivalent feelings

Hermione was sitting at the desk in her workroom. She was reading a book about goblins, but she could't actually pay attention to the letters. She was staring at one of the pages with glassy eyes and was unable to focus. It's been seven days since she stormed out of Mr. Malfoy's mansion, which she hasn't looked at since. The following morning, in a curt message, she informed Kingsley that he had contracted pneumonia and was resting at home at the suggestion of the healer of St Mungo's. She's never done this before. In fact, she's never missed a day from anywhere. She felt immense guilt, mainly because nothing was true of her reasoning: she was in excellent health, but she was frightened of herself.

Mr. Malfoy's behavior was so demeaning that she also withdrew herself from everything she had to do for the first time in her life. She didn't understand herself because she would have never, ever done that. Lucius Malfoy's words, however, erased all sane thoughts from her head. But under no circumstances could she let the development of her personal life come at the expense of work. Not that she's had a personal life for years. After Voldemort's fall, their relationship with Ron lasted for a few months. Almost simultaneously, they found that what they both thought was love was nothing more than a childish flare-up, amplified by the adventures they had together and the glory that suddenly fell on them.

They splitted up in peace, and as a result, the breakup didn't compromise their friendship. At the time, they were both relieved to be able to continue in the same place, as friends who could always count on each other. They didn't feel uncomfortable even when, a year and a half before Ginny and Harry's wedding, they had already arrived with another partner: Hermione with Viktor Krum and Ron with Romilda Vane. Both relationships were extremely short. Ron and the black-haired girl finally broke up, which wasn't surprising. After Voldemort's downfall, Ron became very popular with witches, and he was happy to take advantage of the opportunities, living as a true golden boy, especially after the twins took him in as a partner in the magic joke business, which, over the years, has grown into a very lucrative company.

Hermione and Viktor's relationship ended two years ago. She met the world-famous quidditch player at a soiree organized by the Department of International Magical Cooperation. At the time of the re-sight, they both had old feelings, and the once platonic relationship was made into love. They lived in a semi-long-distance relationship, but overall, their relationship was characterised by mutual acceptance and passion. He was the first real man in Hermione's life, the man with whom she first lived through all forms of love.

For Hermione, however, her study and internship were more important at the time, and Viktor was brilliant in quidditch. They also broke up with him by mutual consent, shortly after Harry and Ginny's wedding; they mutually acknowledged each other's merits, and since neither of them had changed their way of moving in together, they ended up saying goodbye as friends. Since then, they've been writing to each other, both of them tracking the evolution of each other's lives. Hermione didn't feel bad when she learned from Viktor a few months ago that he found love again, a sportswriter named Ivanka.

Overall, none of her relationships could be characterized by the epithet of overwhelming love, but she did not feel that this was a problem. She was very young, she felt there was no need to search for her partner, and with time she would find him anyway. Her love was learning, and later her work, and she was particularly not interested in one-night stands. It's been a while since she's spent her days single, even though her former Gryffyndor schoolmate Cormac McLaggen besieged her from time to time, but she didn't give it a breeding ground.

She has credited the feelings that arose in recent days to being alone for nearly a year and a half. These strange and absurd thoughts were the reason she had been so impudence for the first time in her life. She was faking illness... She wanted to be destroyed in the mornings when she woke up, and during the day, when her thoughts unwittingly wandered away. She should have hated Lucius Malfoy, or at least keep a good distance from the man. In contrary, she found him invading her dreams at night, and in those dreams, they did things she wanted to erase from her head by morning. Time did not catch on Mr. Malfoy, and during their time together, Hermione, although it was difficult to admit to herself, was overwhelmed by the man's radiance, good standing, and ambiguous statements.