Ocean Blue ✓

chapter twelve

alyssa

It's still raining when I wake up from a dream about my mother, and Tanner is sitting at my bedside. His head is set on his hands, his gaze focused on some boxes by the end of my bed. "Hey," I croak, trying to lift my head. I'm flat on my back, sprawled out in a way that's hardly comfortable, but definitely easy to try and collect myself from.

My limbs are slow to move at first, but after a few seconds, I manage to work through the stiffness and sit up. "What time is it?"

Tanner's gaze slides over to me, but his body doesn't move. "Four. You've been asleep for a couple of hours."

"And were you brooding that whole time?"

"Ha." He doesn't think it's funny. "The girl who dropped you off—who is she?"

My mind blanks for a moment. "Elliot?"

"Yeah. Elliot."

"Um, she's—" She's no one. She's someone. Maybe. "She's a coworker. I've known her, like, literally a day." My voice is weak to my own ears, and the stinging in my legs is intense. Panic sets in for a moment. How am I going to hide this from Dad?

Tanner hmphs. "Why did you let her bring you home? You could have just called me."

"It didn't feel like an option?"

"Bruh." He's hard-core Grumpy Cat frowning now. "You should have just let me pick you up. Why involve some rando you hardly even know?"

"She was there. She saw. And, like, she didn't freak out. She offered to help? So...."

"You—why did you trust her with your secret, and you couldn't trust Max?"

I suck in a breath. "Dude."

Tanner stands, hands furled at his side. "I can't believe you."

"So what?" My voice is rising and cracking and sore. "You just think that I was going to let her walk around knowing this? I was going to talk to you about sirening her, but I guess you let her go home."

"What else was I supposed to do? Detain her?"

"Well, I don't know. But you could have done something!"

Tanner shakes his head. "No. This isn't just on me! This is on you, too."

"Tanner." My throat is tight, eyes sharp and stinging. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Call me!"

"It didn't cross my mind!"

"How?" He's pacing. "How did it not cross your mind?"

"I don't know!" I don't know how to explain it, the all-encompassing pain. How it's about all I can think of. My body becomes not-my-body, my mind becomes not-my-mind. "It-it just didn't, okay?"

Tanner shakes his head again, continuing his pacing. "Alyssa, you are so infuriating."

I just want to go back to sleep. This is all I want. "How? How am I 'infuriating'?"

Tanner has Dad's temper. We both do. I see it in the way he whirls around and tosses his hands in the air, eyebrows raised, eyes disbelieving and furious. "We left everything behind because you have some kind of fucking Mommy Issues that made you freak out when the person you were oh-so in love with found out about your fucking tail, and then some random girl you just met is suddenly fine, it's fine, so super fine."

It's hardly Mommy Issues. "Tan—"

"What is it? What's the difference? Max wasn't worthy, Max was 'too much,' and then some random asshole from work is a-okay? What the actual fuck, Alyssa?" He stops his pacing, stops and stares, stops and stares and waits for a response.