What the fuck is wrong with me?

Twenty six

Ethan's Pov

We all went up to Simon's room to talk, except Jj who had unintentionally taken the job as Harry's sober chaperone; for now anyway.

What just happened was a lot for me to process. Harry's not missing but he's high on meth and angry. Angry at Simon because of his parents knowing about everything and, they kissed? How have I missed this? I'm meant to be Harry's best mate but apparently I know nothing. I mean I didn't even know he liked guys? I feel like a shitty friend to especially Harry but Simon too.

I could tell Simon was FREAKING. His silence was telling and since no one else comforting him I decided to take it upon myself.

"It's just the drugs talking Simon don't stress yourself out."
"Meth? I can't believe it.." Vik genuinely sounded mind-blown. I couldn't really blame him but nonetheless I sighed, Vik was not being helpful right now.
"Si? Look at me," he did exactly that "it's the drugs talking okay? Do not worry yourself."

Simon's Pov

My heart was pounding. Hitting my chest so hard it was almost painful. I appreciated Ethan's attempt at reassurance but I wasn't in the right state of mind to rationalise my thoughts.

Harry hates me.
I have ruined everything.
He wishes he never kissed me.
I made a huge mistake.
I just wanted to help.
There's no coming back from this.

My breathing became unsteady as I spiralled deeper and deeper into my own thoughts. Josh and Ethan were struggling to get me to calm down and breathe properly again. I kept trying to regain control but I couldn't, it physically hurt.

Both Ethan and Josh grabbed both my hands while Tobi encouraged me to close my eyes and focus on my breathing. They all counted me in and breathed at the same time as me. Over and over and over until eventually I could feel my heart rate slow and my panicking subsided.
"Thank you guys," my voice slightly trembling still.

Ethan and Josh didn't let go of my hands. In a soft voice Tobi asked, "Has anything like that ever happened before?"
I nodded "used to get panic attacks when I was younger, worse than that."
All three of their faces had concern written across them.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head. Harry was downstairs high on actual meth and I'm up here having a panic attack. Wow I really know how to take the spotlight.

Vik; who had been sat on the other side of the bedroom, broke his silence "Since you seem alright now Si..you and Tobi you gotta tell us what happened when you found Harry..I'm dying to know."

I'll let Tobi explain this story..

JJ's Pov

Harry looked so peaceful as he slept, no one would know what was going on in his head just by looking at him. His cheeks were less red, though he was still sweating and hot to the touch when I placed my hand on his forehead to check.
"Oh Harry," I sighed "What have you gotten yourself into?" My hand moved away from his forehead and down to his hand which I patted gently so as not to wake him up. "We're gonna get through this, okay?"
I was fighting the urge to fall asleep, my ability to keep my eyes open becoming weaker as minutes passed. It was pretty late, 2.34am according to my phone. Wonder what the rest of the guys are doing. I didn't want to leave Harry unattended but I couldn't see myself being able to stay awake much longer. So, I went upstairs to ask someone to swap places with me.

I heard voices coming from Simon's room so I took a wild guess and assumed that's where they all went. "Everything alright?" I questioned as I walked in yet noticed that Simon didn't look it.
"We're good." Simon smiled a fake ass smile that I could see right through. But before I had a chance to comment on it Vik spoke bluntly, "Simon had a panic attack."
"Oh shit.."
Simon looked up at me and smiled again "Yeah."
"Like what you used to have as a kid?"
The same response again.
"All good now?"
Another nod.
"Okay well I'm just about keeping myself awake does anyone else mind watching Harry? He's asleep I just don't wanna leave him alone."

Ethan and Tobi and Vik all volunteered and went downstairs together. Simon looked worried still.
"It's okay, he's okay, and in good hands."
"JJ he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you he's high."
"What if he still hates me when he's not?"