The Art of Moving On ♡ Yoongi ff

Burnt pancakes

I woke up with my face in my tear stained pillow. After going to the bathroom I went down to the kitchen 

"I made pancakes for us but I think I burnt them"
"That's okay, I love burnt pancakes" I chuckled as I kissed her cheek and sat down
"Don't lie to me to make me feel better" she smiled
"I'm not" I shook my head and stuffed a piece of burnt pancake into my mouth, I tried to keep a smile on my face as the bitter taste hit my tongue "mmm so good" 
She laughed so hard she snorted making me laugh and spit out the pancake 
"I love you" she giggled "I'm sorry I ruined breakfast" 
"I'll forgive you, here let me cook breakfast" 

"God damn it" I groaned as I sipped my coffee, I looked down and realized I pulled out my anniversary mug again without even doing it on purpose. I wanted to use the blue one. 
Little steps. 
It's just a mug. 

I made myself something to eat and then paced around the house. 

I looked at her papers still on the coffee table

Her vase empty still on the table

Her shoes still by the front door

The dust collected on everything we ever owned

Her jackets hanging on the coat rack

The way she had placed the magnets on the fridge 

All of these things I never touched or moved
My time capsule
My hell 

Maybe it's time I cleaned, get the dust cleaned up, put some of her stuff away. 
Just the thought of it made my chest hurt, but so did looking at her stuff. 

Little steps
I moved a magnet, I dragged it to the other side of the fridge. My chest tightened but she was still there in my mind, and in my heart. My memories weren't wiped away, and neither were my emotions. 
Another magnet. 
And another.
And another. 
All of the magnets and pictures on the fridge were moved. 

I sat on the couch and panted to catch my breath. Anxiety was taking over and I had to stop myself from running back into the kitchen and fixing everything I had just moved. 

I pulled out my phone to check it but there was a knock on the door, I closed my eyes and groaned. I got up and opened the door to find Amelia standing there. 
"You look like shit"
"Thanks, hello to you too Amelia" 
"Want to hang out?"
"I can't" I shook my head "I'm trying to clean up.."
"Oh" she looked down "well, I guess that's why you look like shit" 
"Yeah..anxiety attacks will do that" 

"You said you haven't moved anything in three years?"
"Correct"
"What have you done so far?"
"Its stupid.."
"No it isn't" she shook her head 
"I moved the magnets on the fridge" I mumbled as I looked down 
"Awesome!" She cheered and smiled "high five!" 
I smiled and high fived her 

"I'm thinking.. I want to have my friends over" 
She nodded as she kept a smile on her face 

"So, I have to clean because admittedly, I haven't cleaned since.. so everything is covered in dust and cobwebs" I leaned against the door frame 

"Like a time capsule" she nodded 
"Exactly. But, if I react the way I did over the magnets with everything I touch.. I don't think I'll be able to do it" I shook my head 

"Why not ask one of them to help? It might make you feel calmer?"

"I think that might make it worse..they were all here when she..and even the vase that Kook gave her is still on the table where he left it, dusty and empty. He stared at it the whole time he was here"

"His first time at the house since right?"
I nodded 
"So you think once they're all allowed back in..they'll take a look around and-"
"Feel the way I feel. I know they won't judge me for keeping the house this way, they would never. But they would be sad"