Hey Baby

Positive? I Think Not!

How many positive pregnancy tests does it take to get it through Arielle Fuller's thick skull that she's actually pregnant?

I've always been tedious and organized; from the tender age of seven, I refused to do anything unless I'd mapped it out first. On the first day of summer vacation every year, I'd sit down at my computer desk and write down my summer plans, and on the day before school started, I made sure to have the first day planned with no exceptions for anything. Unfortunately for me, the older I got, the less strict on my lists I'd become.

Hence how I ended up pregnant in college with absolutely no clue who the father was.

The array of pregnancy tests that had been laid out on the bathroom counter in front of me still hadn't been enough. Those two dark red lines, the words pregnant flashing like a neon sign before my eyes, beckoning me into the inevitable abyss of anxiety and self-loathing. No, I had buried all of them beneath a stack of towels under the sink that my roommate almost never checked. She had her towels in a cute little hamper under her clothes in the closet.

After cleaning the urine debris that had gotten on my hand during my attempt to pee in a cup, I sat in the room for what felt like an eternity waiting to see my doctor. I hadn't taken a test like that since Junior year of high school when Mom had thought my sisters and I were doing drugs behind her back because one of her church friends had insisted she'd seen us smoking something in an alleyway. Which, in reality, she had seen one of us, but I wasn't her.

"Arielle, how are you feeling?" Dr. Evans said with a smile as she stepped into the room. As usual she looked great, if not a little exhausted. There were lines of exhaustion around both eyes and though she was trying her hardest to hide it with makeup, there were heavy bags dragging them down.

"I've been better." I answered, watched her tuck a teased black curl behind her ear. "Please tell me you have good news."

My roommates aunt looked to me with a pointed look, and I think that was probably when reality finally hit me. Her rich cocoa colored fingers found the top of my own hand, a huge contrast to the beautiful color of her own; it was something I'd envied about Monae's entire family.

"Well, I suppose that'll depend on what you'd consider good news." she said, but I rubbed my sweaty palm against my pant leg and tried to keep myself together.

"It's positive, isn't it?"

She chuckled softly. "Most definitely. I'm going to have your blood drawn to get a good look at your Hcg numbers and one of my nurses is about to bring an ultrasound machine in here, okay?"

"Oh my God." I touched the back of my hand to my mouth. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Deep breaths, Arielle." Dr. Evans inhaled deeply, the exhaled. I followed her actions, and though the urge to throw up had left, the nausea was still very much there. The same nausea I'd mistook for nerves on finishing my work by their deadlines the last few months. "Lay down for me, hon."

I squeezed my eyes shut as soon as I heard the door open and Dr. Evan quietly speak with one of her nurses. I shouldn't have come here, I should have just went to a planned parenthood and figured out what options I had. I—

"It's going to be a little cold, okay?" Dr. Evans waved a bottle of liquid above me. I nodded slowly, watching her squirt it on to my stomach and slowly touch the white ultrasound wand to my skin. Within seconds a pixelated black and white image was dancing in front of my eyes, but I couldn't make anything out. After a pressing down a little harder, an image slowly began to form.