Jesus X Reader

✧Chapter Seven✧

     Doctor Phil hosted and planned the funeral, as he was the last person to get physically assaulted by Pickle Rick. He decided to hold it in the community theater, where he would perform a one man show of Les Mister Rob to honor Ricky Boy, who always dreamed of starring in the broadway show as Epipen. He decorated the theater with photos of Pickle Rick in his glory days studying at Harvard. All around the room, there were massive photos of Pickle Rick chugging beer with a criminal law textbook in his hand.

     You all showed up to the funeral in black to pay respect, except for Dr. Phil, who wore a floor length rainbow sequin dress with a large slit traveling all the way up to his mid thigh. 

     Tears ran down your face as each person took their turn to speak about the amazing life Pickle Rick lived.

     "He was so hot," said Peter Griffin, starting to tear up. "After we got divorced, I spent every hour of every day thinking about him. I just wish we had more time together. I remember the day he came home from his job as a male stripper and slapped me across the face with a stack of divorce papers like it was just yesterday." Suddenly, Peter's tone of voice changed drastically. His words became sharp like knives, and his voice pierced the air like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. "I didn't even find out until recently that the reason he left me was so that he could pursue a relationship with Lil Jeezy."

     Gasps echoed throughout the room, everyone at the funeral shocked by this news. What a scandal! It was commonly known that Peter Griffin and Pickle Rick had a quick divorce, but nobody knew precisely why. 

     Lil Jeezy jumped onto the stage to defend himself. For the first time ever, he spoke in properly formulated english sentences. "It's not what it looks like! Rick divorced Peter a whole month before we even started hooking up! He decided on his own that he wanted to try for a relationship with me instead. We were just friends at the time, I swear!"

     Suddenly, out of nowhere, Mr. Schue burst into the room and pointed his long, crooked, green finger at Peter. "I, William Linoleum Schuester sentence Peter Griffin to a lifetime sentence in prison for trespassing! Last night, I was sitting on my porch, and I saw you walking your dog. You let one of your toes sneak it's way onto my yard, and you destroyed FOUR of my precious blades of grass."

     Terri Schuester and Emma Pillsbury popped out from behind him wearing sexy cop costumes. Terri bit her lip and said, "Wanna go to jail, sweetheart?" Meanwhile, Emma took the handcuffs off her belt and started swinging them above her head. Unfortunately, she accidentally let go, and the handcuffs went flying across the room. Emma had been swinging them with enough force that when they hit Peter Griffin in the face, they knocked him out and killed him.