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━━━000, introduction !
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SOMETIMES APRIL FEELS like she might as well be two different people. For as long as she can remember, she's always felt like two different people, like there's something wrong with her and that she's got just two different versions of herself living inside of her and her entire life would just be a whole lot easier if those two different sides were split up into two different people. Which is often why April finds herself imagining what it would be like to be a twin, so that one version of herself could be one twin, and the other version would be another twin.
She's done some research on this — some meaning wasting the entire summer before her first year of high school — and frankly, April thinks that Janice from the Hawkins Public Library is the one who got her banned for a year. But anyways, after some extensive research (and a little bit of self-diagnosis) April's come to realise that she probably does not have Multiple Personality Disorder — which is all that comes back to her when she searches for feeling like two different people in one body.
But like, the thing is, April knows that both of the different versions are her. The decisions she makes are her own, and so are the actions. She's completely aware and alert of everything that she does (well, unless she's drunk) and it's completely, totally, one-hundred percent all her.
Like, take for example, sophomore year. It was completely her decision to throw a party at her house while her parents were away for the week — it was also completely her decision to absolutely lie her ass off to her parents when they came back home and asked her why their bar in the basement of their house was almost totally empty of alcohol.
Another example, it was completely April's decision when later that same week, she decided to go to Steve Harrington's party, and it was completely her decision to drunkenly suggest that she and Steve head up to his room for 'a little fun.' But it was also her decision to keep seeing him up until she decided to ghost him for the rest of the year and pretend like nothing had ever happened between them.
Granted, it was shitty of her to do. But what other choice did she have? There's no way April could ever tell her parents about what she's like at school — other than what she lets them know — and there's no way that she could ever tell anyone at school what she's like at home.
She has a carefully crafted image of herself for whatever crowd she's with, and in Hawkins, that image means everything. Everyone has all these different expectations for her, and the only thing that she can do is meet them — or pretend to meet them. The one thing that April has complete control over is her image, and if that's gone then she's got nothing left. Not even her dignity, which she lost with her virginity to Steve Harrington that night.
