Thoughts You Will Never Read

An Impossible Quest

Dear You,

I want to achieve the impossible. No, I don't mean a task that applying such an adjective to would cause a lecture about how the word says "I'm possible" and how I can do anything I put my mind to. I mean the urge to achieve what, no matter how hard you work, you won't achieve.

That is, to know everything.

I think I have always had this want to know everything. Whether it is out of curiosity or selfishness, I cannot say. 

It moved past reading textbooks and daydreaming a concerning amount of possibilities, and into the procrastination of work because of the feeling that it won't be enough. 

I want to know more than algebraic equations, formulas from physics, literary techniques, and government manipulations. I want to know how people invented things. Who created what, what inspired them, how things progressed - how did they think of the idea to begin with? Why did they name it the way they did? What came out of what they made? 

A series of such things run through my mind for almost everything I encounter. What's that plant's name? What is it known for? How do I care for it? Who is that person? What is their story? What do their different expressions look like? What is their family history? What is the name of that car? What are all its parts? Who invented it? How is it different than others? Who opened that restaurant? What motivates them?

And into daily things. Who first made a blanket? How did they figure out how to do it? What about materials? Who named different foods? How did people come up with cooking - and how long did it take for them to figure out how to correctly do it? 

Until I am grasping for knowledge on everything. Bodies. Minds. Cultures. Music. Different utensils. Technology. Religion. Health. Emotions. Language.

I remember being asked what I would want my superpower to be, and replying "to know everything". I remember being told that such a thing was impossible, one simply cannot know everything. As a child I was confused - why could kids dream to fly but not to satisfy their curiosity about the world they live in? I now think I was given a different response than the other kids because they would grow out of theirs. They would learn flying needed airplanes, invisibility requires a certain type of person and isn't always fun, no lasers will be shooting out of their eyes, and people are not meant to walk through walls. They would learn these things as they grew up, hopefully. But I would not, I would continue to want to know everything and be disappointed. 

That I am, because I want more time in the day to be able to learn as much as I can. I want that "would you live forever" scenario.  Because with the amount of information shoved down throats to achieve an agenda, it is hard to know who I should listen to to get information rather than an opinion. Because there are billions of people, millions of places, and an infinity of wisdom in the world.