Weeks after her inaudible confession, Samara now found that being around Zay required actual work. Whenever they were together she made a continual effort not to say the wrong thing or look at him too long when he commented on...anything. All of a sudden he made her nervous and she could never seem to get out of her head when she was with him. Samara hated that spending time with Zay was growing increasingly hard and that she was beginning to forget how to relax around him. To take her mind off things Samara made plans for a lunch date with Natalie and Mena. Unfortunately, after being at the restaurant for nearly ten minutes, she found herself so consumed with thoughts of Zay that she couldn't even recognize the sound of her own name.
"Sam? Sam, did you hear me?" Mena said leaning across the table.
"I'm sorry...Mena. What?" Samara said coming to.
"Damn girl. What's got you so spaced out today? You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind right now, with exams and all," she lied.
"Oh. Okay," Mena said giving her a raised brow. "Anyway. Did you bring your Brit. Lit. notes from last semester? I really need them to help me study for finals."
"Yes," Samara said perking up. She reached over and opened up her bag. "They should be in here," she claimed. Samara rummaged through her tote until she came up with her journal filled cover to cover with notes. She slid it across the table to Mena.
"Oh my goodness. Thank you. You're a life saver," Mena grinned as she flipped through it.
"Don't mention it," Samara smiled.
"So," Mena began as she switched gears, "I'm hosting a little get together at my place tonight. Y'all should come. It's only gonna be a handful of us. I'm serving wine and hors d'oeuvres. Y'know, something light to help us destress from finals."
"Ooh. Sounds like fun," Natalie replied. "What time does it start?"
"Seven." She looked over at Samara. "Sam you in?"
Samara winced. "I can't. Sorry Mena. I got plans with Zay later. Maybe I can come by afterwards?"
"Why am I not surprised," Mena teased. "If it's still going on you can definitely come through. I'll save you some wine," Mena smiled. "I can't make promises on the food though." Samara laughed at her comment.
"What you and Zay got planned for later?" Natalie asked Samara. "Anything good?"
"Girl, no. We just studying for finals like everybody else."
"Are you sure? Y'all been hanging out more than usual," Mena said adding in her two cents.
Samara scrunched up her face. "What's more than usual? And what do you mean 'are you sure'? I was there when the plan was made."
"I'm just wondering if you leaving out any additional information, cuz if he's sleeping in your bed as much as Natalie say's he is, I don't imagine y'all get much work done."
Samara quickly turned to look at Natalie who quickly placed her straw in her mouth and began to sip her water. "Natalie! What the hell? You keeping tabs on your friends now?"
"Okay wait. Sam, It's not what it sounds like," Natalie said holding up her hands in defense. "Let me explain."
"This should be good," Samara huffed. "Go head."
"Okay." Natalie took a breath. "Usually when you're asleep I take that opportunity to return any clothes that I borrowed, and those few times that I did I saw y'all...you know...sleeping together."
"Hold up! Nat, You've been stealing my clothes too?"
"Uh oh," Mena said looking between them. She was glad that she wasn't on either end of this conversation.
"Borrowed," Natalie reiterated. Samara shot her a quick look across the table and sucked her teeth. "Okay, fine. Stole, but Sam...please don't be mad. I'm sorry," Natalie pleaded. "I'll stay out of your closet from here on out. I swear."
"Girl, I don't care about what you borrow out of my closet just as long as you let me know what you're taking. I'm more upset at the fact that you saw us asleep in my bed and instead of you asking me about it first you run and tell Mena like a damn TMZ reporter. And also pro tip, return the clothes when I'm not there. If...ya know, you're gonna be sneaky about it." Mena looked at Natalie and chuckled. Natalie shoved her with her shoulder.
"Shut up," she mumbled. She returned her attention back to Samara. "You're right. I'm sorry. I didn't even think about it like that. I know y'all just really close friends and I never meant to insinuate anything more. I should have talked to you first." Natalie looked at Samara and gave her a puppy dog look. "So...do you forgive me?" she asked, desperately hoping that everything remained good between them.
Samara glared at her and then after a few seconds let her face slowly form into a warm smile. "Of course. I forgive you," she reassured her. "I know you didn't mean any harm, but stay the hell out of my room when I'm sleeping. I'm bout to revoke your damn room privileges." Samara and Natalie looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"Okay good. Now that we got that out of the way," Mena grinned, "can we order? I'm starving!"
..
At the library that evening, as Samara skimmed over her notes she could feel Zay's eyes on her. "What," she said, never looking up, her finger still trailing down the page.
Zay sat up and placed his book face down on the table. "You've barely said two words to me since we've been here. What's up?"
Samara stopped what she was doing and glanced up at him. What was she gonna say? The truth? After a few seconds she put her journal down and sat up as well. "I got a lot going on in my head right now and I don't want to drag you into it."
"Come on Mar. Try me."
"No," she sighed, "I can't."
Zay huffed. "Mar, If you can't talk to your best friend about what you're dealing with then who can you talk to?" he questioned. Samara genuinely pondered his question and then perked up when the answer came to her.
"Nat and Mena," she uttered matter-of-factly. "It's a girl thing. I-I need to talk to them," Samara said shutting her notebook. She slid her notes across the table to Zay. "Can we reschedule? I need to go."
"Mar, Finals are two weeks away and we've barely studied since we got here—"
"I know," Samara said cutting him off. "Let's reconvene tomorrow. Same time. Same place," she offered as she stood to leave. "I'll see you later." She quickly stuffed her studying materials into her bag, giving Zay a quick wave as she sped off.
When Samara finally reached Mena's apartment some odd fifteen minutes later, she stood at the door fiddling with her phone and attempting to take a few deep breaths. Samara was nervous and clearly stalling for time, but she also desperately needed a few quiet minutes to herself. She could hear the loud music playing from the other side of the door and knew it would be hard trying to hear herself think in there. She closed her eyes, tuned out the noise, and thought about the best way to tell her friends the news. Five minutes or so after getting her mind together, Samara told herself that she couldn't stay out there forever and encouraged herself to go in. Taking her own advice, she opened up the door and stepped inside. When she fully walked in she saw that it was definitely more than a few people there. The sight almost made her laugh at herself for believing Mena when she said that it would only be a handful of people there. Mena is far from the type to host small gatherings. Samara smiled to herself and scanned the room for a familiar face. A short distance away she spotted Natalie sitting alone and headed in her direction. When Samara approached her, she was first greeted by her surprised expression.
"Sam!" she grinned. "What a surprise! Where's Zay? I know he can't be too far behind."
"I left him at the library."
Natalie almost laughed. "Girl, I'm sure you didn't have to do that. Mena would've been okay if you were late. You studying with Zay is really no biggie."
"I need to talk to y'all. Where's Mena?" Samara's face expressed worry despite her efforts to maintain a calm disposition.
Natalie was taken aback by her uneasiness. "Sam, what's going on?" she asked searching her face. "Is everything okay?" Samara looked like she wanted to cry. "Okay. Come on," Natalie said grabbing ahold of Samara's hand. She pulled her away from the couch and called for Mena, who popped her head out of the kitchen when she heard her name.
"What's up Nat," she started but when she saw Samara standing next to her, she grinned. "Sam you're here!" she gasped as she rushed out of the kitchen. She walked over to Natalie and Samara, but when she looked at Samara's face her smile faded. "Sam, what's wrong?"
"Not here," Natalie said as she shoved them into Mena's bedroom. Samara sat at the foot of the bed and looked up at her two friends standing in front of her.
"Sam, what's wrong? Are you pregnant? Is it Jules' baby?" Mena interrogated.
"No Mena. And can we please not do the guessing games? I really need to get this out, because I've been holding it in for way too long and I need to tell someone who's not Zay."
Natalie and Mena gave each other a quizzical look. Natalie spoke up. "Sam, what's going on? You tell Zay everything. What can you tell us that you can't tell him?"
"I'm in love with him." The words just seemed to fall right out of her mouth. "I'm...in love with...Zay," she repeated slowly. Saying the words aloud for the first time seemed to cause all her anxiousness and fear to fade away. Her feelings were now the realest they've ever felt since the moment she came to this conclusion. Samara's eyes began to well and she didn't know how to slow down the rate at which her emotions were beginning to pour in. Or was it out? She couldn't tell. Natalie and Mena looked like they were frozen in time. They were taking a minute to process.
"I'm sorry. What?" Mena uttered, breaking her silence. "Did you just say that—"
"—You're in love with Zay?" Natalie said, finishing Mena's sentence.
Samara gave a small smile and nodded her head. "Yeah," she confirmed in a small voice. She sniveled and wiped underneath her eyes. Natalie and Mena gripped each other closely and squealed in excitement.
"Oh my goodness! Finally! Y'all are so perfect for each other," Mena gushed. "I'm so happy for you!" Mena grinned at Samara as she herself tried to fight back tears.
"Me too," Natalie smiled. "This is so surreal." With huge grins on their faces, the two of them collapsed back onto the bed next to Samara. Samara smiled and did the same.
"When are you gonna tell him?" Mena asked.
"I have no clue," Samara sighed. "Soon I guess. It has to be soon right?"
"Yeah. You can't keep your true feelings hidden forever. You definitely have to tell him soon," Natalie advised.
"How do I tell him? Where do I start?"
"Good question. Nat?" Mena said relaying the question back to Natalie. "I don't know how to answer that one."
"Tell him the way you just told us. Get him by himself, sit him down, and just tell him what's on your heart."
"And remember Sam," Mena chimed in, "to take your time and do it when you're ready."
Samara smiled up at the ceiling. "Thanks guys. I love y'all."
"Love you more," they grinned as they attacked her with hugs from either side.
