~phil pov~
I feel the tears slowly form and fall down my cheeks as I sit up.
My face was wet and warm.
I sigh and decide to get out of my dark, suffocating room. Yes it was the brighter room but even this room got dark and moody when the lights were turned off.
I quickly get out of bed having a blanket around my shoulders to remain the heat.
I stop outside of Dan's room, I knew he was sleeping in there, I could hear it.
but I decided not to bother him and just walked into the lounge sitting down under the blanket in the dark on the couch.
"what is wrong with you" I think to myself,
"why cant you just be happy."
"you are so ungrateful"
"you have the one in a million life and you still feel like this."
a quiet sigh leave my mouth as the thoughts fill my head up and clog my ears, I didn't know what to do, so I just sat and listened.
"you fagg*t" my thoughts echoed.
"you are never actually gonna get accepted"
"no one likes you"
"you're a bitch"
"what have you done to deserve all the fame"
"all the good things?"
"dan" my thoughts almost stopped.
"what have you done to deserve him"
"just face it, you don't deserve him"
I took a shaky breathe, and just sat there.
my mind was constantly echoing with thoughts of dan, I really didnt deserve him.
I loved him, I did. But I wasn't good enough for him, I have never been.
"phil?"
not even in 2009 when we met, not even when I inspired him or helped him to become a youtuber, he would have without me easily too.
"Philip?"
why would he ever love you. what do you have that is so special. I mean Dan is the most lovely and caring person ever and what do you have?
a childish internet persona. that's it.
"Lion?"
no one takes you seriously. and you know that. people probably constantly talk shit about you. I wouldn't be surprised.
"PHIL"
"wh-"
"phil why are you out here? are you okay? why are you crying?"
Dan rushes towards me and down on the couch right next to me.
"Lion what happened? are you hurt?"
I just look into his eyes, those drops off honey staring back at me with concern and sympathy.
"philip why are you not saying anything??" he had tears in the brim of his eyes and his warm hands on my warm, wet, cheeks.
"Phil?" he says with tears softly making their way down his red cheeks.
"i- I'm sorry" I press out still looking at him.
"what? Phil what happened?"
"I dont deserve you"
"what? what makes you think that?"
"i- I don't feel like I am good enough for you"
with that tears streamed down his cheeks and his hands were slightly shaking, still holding my cheeks.
"phil, that's not true" he says and steadies his breathe. "I'd like to think that we do deserve each other. we're meant to meet, and we're meant to be with each other." he says with a slight smile.
"y- you think so?"
"mhm" he smiles "like- it's like- you're a highlighter!"
"what?" I giggle.
"I drew the world" he said and moved some of my hair out off my face
"and you lit it up" he smiles.
"you lit my life up" he says quietly.
"you did too" I whisper.
"tell me when you feel like this next time, please" he whispers back.
"I will"
"was there anything that- caused these thoughts?" Dan asked after a moment of silence.
"I just started thinking about it because- I was lonely" I say quietly, knowing how stupid that sounds.
"do you wanna sleep in my room tonight?"
"please"
he nods with a smile and takes my hand pulling me to his room.
we both got under the cover and he pulled me close, one hand on my cheek, the other hand in mine and his legs tangled into mine.
our faces were so close that I felt his hot breath on my nose, I softly stroke some of the curls out of his face and gently kiss his nose.
"I love you bear"
and with that he holds me tighter, pressing our bodies together.
