Vellichor

Part 36

We were both tired and decided to lay down right away. Once her head was on my chest she looked up at me and said "You know I'm always with you right?"

I laughed and said "What do you mean?"

She had a sad expression on her face and she said "I mean, even if we're not together, we're always together. I could have lived a million times, in a million different lives, a million different ways, in a million different worlds, but I still would only be with you. I'd only fall for you. I'm only yours forever."

After those words left her lips a sudden feeling of despair came over me. With uncertainty in my voice I said "I know that, my love. But we'll never be apart."

She smiled at me with an expression i couldn't read, before she closed her eyes and fell asleep with her head on my chest. I dozed off not long after that too, looking at her.

I woke up, it seemed like it was around noon, I was on my back, I stretched my body out before I turned over to where Sapphire was laying to spoon her. But my arm just grabbed on to nothing.

I sat up quickly and saw that her coat wasn't on the chair where she left it last night and I didn't see her phone anywhere either.

Panic rose up inside of my chest as I quickly used the bathroom and washed my face before I tugged my runners on and grabbed my coat from the sofa. I sent a quick text to Jamal saying "Hey bro I left. Woke up and Sapphire was no where to be found. Looking for her. I'll call you later."

Jamal sent back "What the hell. But okay call me when you're free."

I called Sapphire two times but it said the phone number wasn't in service. I sat there in frustration and tried to breathe for a couple minutes before I sent her a message saying "Hey where are you?"

The only place I thought she could be was at her house so I started driving there.

When I got there. I saw that her front door was left slightly ajar. A feeling of fear creeped up in my mind. I jogged to her door. And stepped inside. I called out "Sapphire?" But her voice didn't say anything back.

I looked around the entire house twice. None of her clothes were anywhere and all the lotions, make up and jewelry in her washrooms had vanished too .I even knocked a few times on her room in the basement but nothing. I was standing in the living room now, when I saw it, the end of my heart. There was what seemed like a letter on the sofa arm laying there. It almost seemed haunted.

I walked towards to it slowly as if the paper would attack me. And I picked it up and started reading:

(My Dearest Valentine,

I remember the first time I ever saw you. You were pressing flowers in a book. I walked up to you and asked what you were doing. You told me you were keeping the flowers forever. In that moment I fell in love with you. And I have been in love since that moment.

But I realized I have also been selfish. I never realized that maybe the Universe has always stolen you away from me, in every life time, because I've just wanted you all to myself and I haven't given you the chance to grow on your own.

So I decided this time I wouldn't be selfish. I want you to give yourself five years to live and think about if you really want to be someone who stays one way forevermore while everyone around you keeps evolving.

Do not resist from falling in love with who ever your soul gravitates to,or rob yourself from any experience because of me. See things. Do things that make you uncomfortable. Make mistakes. Learn from them. I want you to live your life fully.

You will never understand how much I've always loved you. You are the Sun in my life forever.

I promise in five years time I will be back. No matter where you are. I will find you. And if you still want what I can offer. I will be by your side. If you have found a better life, I will only be happy for you.

P.S. I left the keys to this house in your jean jacket. You can stay here if you like. Everything is taken care of. You don't have to do anything.

-Sincerly Yours: Sapphire Taccarelli)

As I fell to my knees I knew this was the end of my heart. There was nothing after this. Just darkness.

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I was so lost in my sadness that I barely heard a knock on my door. The door opened slowly and it was Jamal. I rewinded Beach Baby by Bon Iver for the seventh time and looked up at Jamal with blood shot eyes.

I couldn't remember the last time I slept. Or ate or talked to someone or charged my phone or anything. I had no idea how much time had passed. In fact I couldn't remember anything other then the cursed moment when I stepped into Sapphires house and saw the letter on the couch arm and read it.

I had never felt pain like that before. Pain that latched itself onto my bones. Pain that was so powerful. It literally brought me to my knees. Pain that made me feel so empty, I felt hollow. Like there was nothing inside. No blood, no cells. No skull, no muscles. I just felt like I was engulfed into this abyss of nothingness.

Jamal looked at me and my room in horror. Everything was sprawled everywhere. I hadn't left my room in five days. I hadn't been able to look at myself in the mirror. All I saw was Sapphire in the reflection of my eyes.

Everything was tinged with the absence of her.

Jamal walked towards me slowly and said "I know you want to be alone but you weren't picking up your phone or messaging me back. So I had to come." He picked me up off of my carpet. I had no strength to fight him off. Still holding me with one of his arms, he used his other arm to grab a clean towel from my cupboard, and pulled me into the washroom and started the shower. He looked me in the eyes and said "Shower, I'll get you some clothes."

I slowly showered, tears falling from my eyes. How could she leave me? How could she talk about our future together the night before she left? What in the world made her think I needed to live five years without her? She was my life. I felt dead now.

I got out and dried myself and then some how tugged my clothes on that Jamal left on the towel rack for me.

When I came back into my room. My room was all tidied up. Jamal was sitting on my bed and said "Valentine. I know it hurts. But if she said she'd be back in five years. Maybe she means it. Maybe it's not a lie. But that doesn't mean for the next five years you're suppose to pause your life and become paralyzed with the memory of her. Even she said "I want you to live your life fully." You have the right to live your life. Just because someone leaves it doesn't mean you stop living."

Jamal paused Asleep by The Smiths on my laptop and in a irritated tone said "And stop listening to this sad ass music."

He stood up now and grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me lightly. "Dude you're torturing yourself this much over one girl?"

I looked into Jamal's eyes fiercely and said "What would you do if you lost Alexandria?" Jamal's expression immediately softened and he said "You're right, but it's just hard for me to see you like this. You're usually the one with the answers."

I just looked at Jamal with no emotion and said "She's inside of me. It's not even like I'm missing her. I'm missing a part of myself."

Jamal looked at me with concerned eyes and said "You have the right to mourn over her. And to be incredibly sad, but you know at some point you're gonna have to let her go, right?"

I looked Jamal directly in the eyes and said "You can't let go of the person you loved like the other half of you."

I could see Jamal felt a little spooked by me and he said "Valentine, I'll leave today but tomorrow morning I'm coming back and I'm getting you out of this room and this house. Me and you are going on a road trip. Make sure you pack enough for two weeks." He patted the back of my shoulder lightly and he said "I'll see you in the morning brother."