BLUE - Caitlin Szmerling

EIGHT

I sit on the couch as Bella paces in front of me. I have my head in my hands whilst my mind races a million miles a minute. A knock is heard at the door, this time Bella goes to get it. A minute later she walks back in with her sister, Marie. She is the second oldest of the siblings, and she and Bella are extremely close. "Hey, love." She says, walking over to me, sitting down right next to me and embraces me in her arms. She was like my sister as well, being that we were quite close in age.

"Have you checked on Jamie?" She asks. I nod my head. "Yes, as soon as Bella read the letter, I ran upstairs to see if he is still there. And he is, sound asleep." Marie nods her head, turning to Bella. "I can speak to Jo if you would like, you know with her being on the police force." Jo was Marie's girlfriend, who I think will soon become her fiancee. She is on the police force which can mean we sort of have special access. Bella looks at me, before answering. "If you don't mind. I usually would say no to abuse this sort of thing but I think desperate times call for desperate measures." Marie nods her head. "I understand, but this is the police, not a bakery. You are asking to be kept safe, not for a free muffin." I giggle at her comment. "Okay, well it is getting late, and I should head home." I look towards the clock, noticing it was just passed midnight. "Oh jeez, I didn't realise how late it was. I'm so sorry." Marie shakes her head. "Don't be sorry, I was already awake and even if I wasn't, I still would've come over straight away. I will call Jo in the morning and I will let you know what she says. Please get some sleep, you guys will need it." I nod my head. "Thank you." Bella says, "This means so much, you have no idea." Marie stands up to hug Bella. "No problem. I will let myself out, get some sleep." "Alright. Goodnight."

Marie walks out, locking the door behind her as Bella and I make our way upstairs. I walk into Jamie's room and pick him up. I have no idea how he was able to sleep for so long, but after what just happened, he will be sleeping in Bella and I's room until this is for sure over.

I place him in his carrier which usually sits in the car, and place him on the floor on my side of the bed before getting changed into my pyjamas. I lie down in bed on my side, watching him play with the toys hanging from the carrier. I feel Bella get into the bed behind me, moving over so she can wrap her arms around my waist. "It will be okay, I promise." I nod my head, still watching Jamie. I refuse to turn to face Bella because I know as soon as she sees my face, she will realise that I have been crying and I don't want her to worry.

Bella has always been protective of me. Whenever I have hurt myself, which is quite often as I am very clumsy. If I am ever crying, or stressing over something. I usually try to hide those things but sometimes I can't control it.

I eventually hear her soft snores behind me, signifying that she had fallen asleep. I continue to watch Jamie as he looks up at me, smiling and quietly cooing. I reach my hand down to him, watching as he immediately grabbing onto one of my fingers like his life depended on it. He giggled as I slightly shook my finger, his fist moving along with my hand. I smiled, listening to his giggle.

I never thought about these moments whilst I was pregnant. I always would think about the messy babies, changing nappies, constant screaming and crying as well as no sleep. I never even considered the cute moments of the baby giggles, the smiles and eventually the first words and first steps that I would get to see.

I didn't realise that I was sobbing quietly until I felt Bella behind me begin to wake up. "Babe, you okay?" She asked groggily, wiping her eyes. I nod, even though she couldn't see me because of being in the dark bedroom. "I'm okay." I cringed when my voice cracked, knowing my cover had been blown. "Okay, clearly you are crying, you can't hide that from me. What's wrong?" I chuckle at her sudden alertness to me being upset. "At first it was because I was so afraid of what might happen to Jamie but then I reached down to Jamie and he began to act so cute and I just thought about the future and how amazing it can be and I just can't wait. And the more I think about it, the more I realise that there really isn't anything to worry about as long as we have each other, and Jamie." I ranted to her, looking in her eyes. We were now both sitting up, sitting cross-legged whilst talking to each other. "Alright, so you are feeling better now?" I nod, giving her a small, tired smile at her. "Yes, but now I am extremely tired and struggling to keep my eyes open. Can we sleep now?" I ask, sounding sort of desperate. Bella chuckles before nodding her head. She leans back onto the pillow before opening her arms. I crawl over to her, falling into her arms. As I am almost asleep, I hear her whisper, "I love you so much. Thank you for marrying me." I smile but don't reply, knowing she believed that I was asleep, and eventually, I actually was.