I'm Here (SakuAtsu)

Comfort

Sakusa's POV

I drive toward my apartment only making small glances toward him. I know he's hurting right now, but I don't have the right words to give him. I drive as quickly as possible just to get him away from that place, to get away from everything. I don't want to seem so possessive over him, but he's a treasure I was lucky to find. If that Kita guy couldn't realize it then it's his loss. We finally make it to the apartment complex, and as before I hold the door open for him. Of course,  I have to take care of my most prized possession. Wait, he isn't even mine yet, I'm getting to ahead of myself. Opening the door I turn the lights on, and look to him. You can see the sadness in his eyes, but his face looks numb. He's had this sullen face ever since we left the club. It's like he's a dead man walking. "Atsumu.. I know you're not feeling the best right now, but do you mind showering?" If I could I would have hit myself. What is wrong with me asking him to do that when he looks he could break down any minute. It's just the thought of all of those germs being on him, and even myself. I feel as though I'm going to be sick just thinking about it. "I'm going to go shower myself.." I add as he just nods. All of the excitement I had seen in him before has completely vanished. He must have really cared about Kita. Would I even have a chance with him after this? It's hard to tell if he would even move on. I would just be a shadow of something he used to have. Head full of thoughts I quickly go to my bathroom in my room to shower. My body feels completely disgusting after putting my arm around him. Although I guess it wasn't to bad. I normally wouldn't even think about doing something that drastic. I step out, and put on a pair of baggy pajamas. It's so late he'll probably be going to bed soon. Walking back into the living room I hear soft whimpers. Atsumu is crying into one of the throw pillows. I've heard his cries before at the school, but this is different. This is what true heartbreak must sound like. Not knowing what to do I take a seat next to him. He slowly sits up trying to dry his eyes. His hair is wet from the shower, and he's put his volley ball shorts back on. "I'm sorry for crying Sakusa..." He pretends to smile, but you can see the tears building back up. Why is he apologizing? Anyone would be upset after that conversation. He did nothing wrong, why would he put all the blame on himself? "Shhh don't apologize.." I say rubbing his back with my hand. My mind is telling me how to touch him, but my instinct is to comfort. "Sakusa... You don't have to comfort me if it makes you uncomfortable. I don't want to ruin anything else..." he trails off burying his face in his hands. "You didn't ruin anything to begin with... Everything will be alright.. Just let it out." I say as caring as I can. Everything just comes out so monotone though. I've never actually helped anyone before. "Sorry I'm not very good at this, but I try." I chuckle a bit at my own embarrassment. Why did I think this would be a good idea? "Thank you.. It's actually helping a lot. Knowing at least someone cares, even the slightest." He gives me a weak smile, and tries to dry his eyes again. "The slightest? Atsumu... I care a lot." Oh shit, did I actually say that out loud? Abort mission I repeat abort mission. He probably thinks I'm a weirdo I mean we just met not even a day ago. "What was that?" He asks, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was even holding. "I just said yeah of course I care.." I say nervously, but he doesn't question it. "So I guess we can get to know each other a little better? Help keep my mind off things if you don't mind." He asks fidgeting with his fingers. "Ask anything and you will get all honesty." I smile as he starts to think. His face is so adorable like this. Kind of like a puppy puckering his lip. "Do you ever get lonely? You never have visitors, and You hate crowded areas." He says, and this is actually a pretty common question asked to me. "I don't really get lonely? Due to my phobia it allows me to block those feelings out. Instead I look at it this way, if I'm alone then I can't catch other people's germs. Meaning I'm potentially saving my own life." I try to explain the best I can as he just nods. "I wish I was like that.. I'm so needy. I can't be by myself for long periods of time. I constantly just need attention. Even if it's just talking on the phone, anything." He looks so disappointed. Does he know how lucky he is to actually have emotions? "I don't think that's a bad thing. It's only natural to want to surround yourself with people like you. I'm just a different type of person I guess." He smiles, but thinks of another question. "Do you feel sorry for me? Is that the reason why you've been forcing yourself to touch me?" My eyes widen at this one. This is definitely something I didn't expect. "Well I told you I'd be honest with you. I do feel sorry for you, but that isn't the only reason. I can see that you're heart broken, and that you're hurting. I've never seen anything like it before. When I first heard you in the locker room it was like a wave of sadness crashed into me. When I saw it was you at first I payed no mind to it. The more I looked, the more I heard... Something felt different. My mind was telling me to stay out of it, but my body refused to listen. At the club when I heard what that guy was saying. It made me more then just furious, you didn't deserve that. Without even thinking I just went to your side to back you up. Even just now, rubbing your back. I never really thought about the germs till afterward. What I'm trying to say is you make me think a different way then what I normally do. Yes, I feel sorry over your sadness, but I'm comforting you for reasons I can't even comprehend." I try to explain the best I can. A small smile spreads across his lips, a sincere one. I love seeing him smile like that. "Thanks Omi Omi I really mean it." He starts to rub his eyes, and I know he's exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally Sumu is completely drained from today. "Well, goodnight I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I whisper messing up his hair. A small chuckle escapes his lips as he looks up at me. "Yeah.. Goodnight Omi." With that I gave him his space, and decided to head off to bed.