Angel Eyes [ Kylo Ren x Reader]

chapter five

"Ren's.. quarters.. as in, Kylo, Ren's quarters?" your blood ran cold, why were you in his quarters? especially after your previous.. encounters.

Staying silent, the knight just stared at you, realising that it may have been a mistake to speak so casually with you.

You were freaking out by now, the build up of the past few days adding to your current stress, and you began to hyperventilate. You felt like you couldn't breathe, you felt trapped.

Trapped. Trapped. Trapped?

You're trapped here. Trapped in this room. Trapped on this ship. Trapped in this sheet.

You needed to have a cold shower.

Standing up from the couch, you made your way back into the room you came out of, dropping the sheet on your way. You shakily made it into the bath room, stepping behind the glass and under the faucet, only turning on the cold tap. You paid no notice to your panties and socks as you stood right under the water, attempting to calm yourself down.

You couldn't tell if you were crying or not as you held your face under the cold stream, your thoughts were screaming at you now. Your legs gave out and you fell to the ground, pulling your knees to your chin and trying to focus on your breathing.

What did I do? I never meant to do anything wrong..
I'm so sore, why the fuck did I run, you should have let them kill you.. you're never going to see him again now, they took it away from you

Your thoughts wouldn't stop, neither would the hyperventilating. In a moment of clouded judgement you threw your head back, not expecting to be so close to the wall, and screamed at the pain that shot through your head.

"Hey, what's going on?" The knight was banging on the door. "Are you okay?"

You couldn't answer as sobs wracked your chest, all you wanted was some familiarity to comfort yourself, but the thought of that was making you even more upset.

'What happened?' Ben wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his lap.

You had failed another class, meaning you would be kept in this phase for another round before moving on.

'I just feel so useless, Ben, maybe I'm not cut out for this' you cried into his chest, hands in his sweater.

'You're far from useless, I know you can do this, I can feel it in my heart. You'll do great things, Angel Eyes' he whispered, kissing your forehead.

You sobbed even harder at the memory, wrapping your arms around yourself on the shower floor. You blocked everything out as you held onto that image, almost as if you were trying to manifest it.

"Where are you Ben, I need you" you cried out in a broken voice, heart physically aching.

You weren't even sure what you were crying about now, as everything hit you at once, all you knew was that you were home sick and didn't understand anything.

You were too caught up in your head to notice the door open, as far as you knew you had locked it.

Kylo stood in the door way taking in the sight in front of him, he didn't know what to do. Was he supposed to snap you out of it? Reprimand you? Comfort you?

He spoke your name softly, but you weren't listening.

Kicking off his boots and pulling off his outer layers, Kylo told his knight to leave and walked towards the shower, shivering at the temperature of the water on his hand.

Turning the faucet to warm and trying not to get his helmet wet, he lowered himself to the floor on the outside of the stream and reached out to you, shocked at how cold you were. Kylo pulled you up onto his lap and wrapped his arms around you, bringing his knees up slightly to cradle you. He hadn't done this in years and was stiff, slightly uncomfortable with showing too much 'emotion' to anyone.

You started crying harder and thinking he had done something wrong he began to let you go, not wanting to hurt you any further, but was surprised when you latched onto his undershirt.

"You're freezing, come here.." scooting you closer to his chest he put his arms around you again, moving you under the warm water and a sigh left your chest.

The both of you sat in silence for a while, both for very different reasons. You were too scared to move or even speak, in fear that he would disappear once you stopped thinking about it, you didn't think this was real and that Ben was here holding you as you cry. You figured you were so distraught your mind created a safe space.

Kylo on the other hand felt torn, he had thought of leaving you to sort out your emotions on your own so he could make Vicrul deal with it, it would have been so much easier.

He had been preparing to leave for a trip when your he heard your broken voice, pleading for someone that didn't exist anymore, and his heart twinged.

He was Kylo, but if he could bring you a small amount of comfort he would, not knowing how much it would mean to you. He knew bringing you here would only cause pain, for both of you, but he couldn't help himself.

Out of pure luck on his way back from a mission Kylo's TIE silencer malfunctioned, requiring an emergency landing on Takodana in search of resources. The second he stepped foot off of his ship he sensed you, and he didn't stop until he found you.

Kylo would never admit it, but when he laid eyes on you in the forest, for the first time in years he let himself shed a tear. After you curled up at his feet, he knew he wasn't leaving without you again, not this time.

He was well aware you didn't know who he had become, hence not taking his helmet off.

A soft snore shook his thoughts away and he gently shook your shoulder, getting no response he carefully stood and turned off the faucet before skilfully grabbing a towel with one finger. Laying you out on the towel he roughly dried you off, careful not to look too long as he stripped your wet panties and socks, replacing them with his spare long sleeve and socks.

You were tucked into his bed yet again, dead to the world and giving Kylo a chance to get changed into comfortable clothes. He couldn't take his eyes off you, he had gone years without you and now to have you sleeping soundly in his bed was a dream come true, even though he knew you wouldn't accept him the same way you did before.

He gave you on last look over and left the room, making mental notes of what he needed to do while you were sleeping. Hopefully you were okay in the morning and willing to speak with him, he couldn't hold him self away forever.