Painfully Aware with So Much to Learn

Chapter Twenty-seven: Ramen with an Ally

Naruto was sneaking out.

He had been in the hospital for the rest of the day for his shattered arm but he hated every second of it. He needed to get out, so when the moon was highest in the sky, he carefully opened his hospital room window. He hopped to the nearest building, careful of the arm that was still in a brace. From a building top he looked to the sky, it was snowing for the first time that winter and he loved the cold breeze.

But suddenly something seemed off, so he dashed toward a direction he was familiar with, not acknowledging the destination.

On another side of the village, a certain ponytailed raven was sitting against his door. He had given up on trying to sleep hours ago, the image of a man he saw as a second father laying limp in his own blood haunted him every time he closed his eyes. He had been assessing his attack for hours, and the thought of him losing scared him.

He was weak, he discovered. Had he not relied heavily on Naruto to deal with an entity with unknown power, he would have failed, but if Naruto had failed, they would all be dead. If he had just been smarter back then, Kuranai would've been able to raise her baby without issue. If he had just been smarter back then, Naruto's arm wouldn't have been shattered. If he had been smarter back then, Asuma would have been alive. He would have sat on the patio and played shogi with the man for hours. But he was here, alone and grieving his own mistakes. He realised that he was a mistake, if it weren't for him, his parents would have had a competent child. If it weren't for him, Naruto wouldn't have spent years thinking he wasn't good enough to have the Nara as a friend. If it weren't for him, Asuma would have been alive and happy with Kuranai. His foggy gaze turned to his weapon pouch, 'no one would miss me' he thought, fresh tears wound in his eyes. 'They would be better off.' He thought, he grabbed a kunai, he could barely see it through the tears that kept falling. 'Naruto would be happy without a dependent Nara like me clinging to him.' He blinked the tears from his eyes and brought his forearm up, his hands were shaking. 'They would all be happier if I were-' he began bringing the side edge of his kunai onto his pale wrist, closing his eyes tightly and waiting for the pain.

But it never came, he opened his eyes cautiously and blanched at the sight before him.

Naruto was kneeled down in front of him, tightly gripping the kunai blade with his bare hand, a look of betrayal shone in his glowing blue eyes. The jinchuriki's blood dripped onto the floorboards, and unshed tears were sitting in his eyes.

The sight that the blonde saw was horrifying, he saw the same emptiness and despair in those quizzical dark brown eyes as he had seen when he was only twelve. Those eyes that were so painfully familiar that the blonde nearly broke down. He knew exactly what the Nara was trying to do, he had tried to do the same dozens of times when he was young and so very alone. Except Shikamaru didn't have a demon that kept him alive.

"Please don't go, I couldn't stand it if you left." The blonde said quietly, but it could have been yelling against the silence of the house. He knew it was selfish, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to stand if the Nara had just left.

The raven was silent, staring in horror at the bloody hand that still held the kunai, his entire body was shaking. He heard the words the blonde spoke as if it were the biggest request the blonde had ever made.

He dropped both his arms and shot toward the kneeling blonde, holding onto him like a lifeline and sobbing into his shoulder. Naruto wrapped his arms around his larger companion, his arms were also trembling.

"I need you, Shikamaru. You've always been my most special person, you were with me even before Iruka-sensei. Please stay and let me give you everything you deserve." Naruto muttered when Shikamaru's sobs turned to a few sniffles.

Shikamaru nodded, he wanted to argue that it was the blonde that deserved the world but before he knew it, the blonde stood, still holding the Nara in his arms as if he were light as a feather. The raven was going to protest, but one look from the blonde and he simply wrapped his legs around the younger's waist.

Naruto made sure he was secure before hopping through the now open window, jumping from building to building carefully, letting them both admire the snow.

Eventually they were standing on the street, with only a few passers by this late at night. They were standing right in front of Ichiraku's ramen shop, and the blonde carefully let Shikamaru down, as if he were made of glass.

The raven saw the destination and chuckled, walking with Naruto right to the barstools. "One beef and one miso, please!" The blonde said brightly, receiving a nod from from the man behind the counter.

Naruto made sure that Shikamaru was eating while talking his ear off about nothing in particular, practically ignoring his own ramen until Shikamaru had to feed him because of the arm brace

Eventually the two boys left so that Teuchi could close up, walking down the street and admiring the snow as it built around them.

"Thank you." Shikamaru said quietly, every bit of sincerity in his voice as he wrapped his arm around Naruto's shoulders. "Thank you so much" he said quietly, as they walked the streets through he snow.